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MY BELOVED IS MINE AND I AM HIS: SELF-KNOWLEDGE IN THE ...

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ut believe in his inmost heart that he is inferior to and viler than all.” 212 By contrast, in<br />

Bernard’s sixth step of pride, the monk inflated with the praise that trips from his<br />

brothers’ tongues, “now not only displays his piety with affected words and works, but<br />

believes in his inmost heart that he is holier than all.” 213 Convinced in his heart that he is<br />

what he so wants to be, the holiest of monks, he cannot even imagine that his brothers’<br />

acclaim might spring from their ignorance or their deception at his own hands. On the<br />

contrary, their praises are his due.<br />

In the preceding steps of pride, the proud monk has managed to deceive his<br />

brothers into praising him as the holiest of monks. Now in the sixth step, he has deceived<br />

himself into believing, against the witness of his own conscience, that their deceived<br />

estimation of himself is true and their mistaken admiration his due. Having refused to<br />

accept the humbling truth about himself in the undeceived eyes of God, and having<br />

fashioned a new and far more pleasant identity for himself in the deceived eyes of his<br />

fellow monks, he now embraces that new identity with a vigor and relish born of his<br />

swollen self-love. If in the preceding steps he preferred appearances to reality and the<br />

perceptions of his brothers to the truth about himself, he now accepts appearances as<br />

reality, and takes the perceptions of his brothers as the truth about himself. He is who he<br />

so desires to be, he is what his brothers see him to be, he is superior to everyone else.<br />

Less like the humble Publican of Benedict’s twelfth step who confesses his sinfulness<br />

and weakness before God, the proud monk now more resembles the Pharisee of the same<br />

212 RB 7.51: “Septimus humilitatis gradus est si omnibus se inferiorem et viliorem non solum sua<br />

lingua pronuntiet, sed etiam intimo cordis credat affectu.”<br />

213 Hum 43 (III, 50): “iam non verbotenus aut sola operum ostentatione suam praeferat religionem,<br />

sed intimo cordis credat affectu se omnibus sanctiorem.”<br />

138

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