MY BELOVED IS MINE AND I AM HIS: SELF-KNOWLEDGE IN THE ...

As so often in his narrative of the steps of pride, Bernard’s touch of humor here cloaks a
more serious truth: the monk who has descended this far down the ladder of pride is
concerned with perceptions rather than truth, with appearances rather than realities. He
has by this point grown so attached to his specious self-image, so enamored of his own
self-supposed superior holiness, that he will resort to every lie and subterfuge before
suffering some wound to his pride. The correction of his superiors should ideally serve
as an occasion for honest self-scrutiny and self-judgment, as an invitation to humility and
the first step of Truth, but such a humbling self-confrontation would require him to
forsake his cherished self-conception, a thought too bitter for the monk who imagines
himself superior to all.
The lengths to which the proud will go to preserve their cherished reputation for
sanctity become most evident in Bernard’s ninth step of pride, simulata confessio or
feigned confession. If the proud monk is caught openly in sin and knows that he cannot
excuse his actions, he resorts to a far more cunning means of defending himself and his
reputation. Rather than excusing his sin, he openly confesses it before the community,
taking care to exaggerate his guilt beyond belief and to overwhelm his brothers and
superiors with a theatrical but ultimately impressive display of humble self-accusation.
He casts down his eyes, throws his body to the ground, feigns tears of contrition as best
as he is able, and interrupts his confession with seemingly repentant sighs and groans. As
he accuses himself of scarcely believable crimes, he trusts his superiors will not only
doubt his guilt in these matters, but even begin to reconsider the truth of their original
charges against him. Once more his concern is for appearances, not reality, for
perceptions rather than truth. Concealing his sin beneath a feigned, public display of
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