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MY BELOVED IS MINE AND I AM HIS: SELF-KNOWLEDGE IN THE ...

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The knowledge of self and God in their relation is one of the main themes, even<br />

the main theme itself, of Augustine’s Confessions. For, in Augustine’s view, confessio is<br />

always and simultaneously the humble acknowledgment of one’s own sinfulness before<br />

God and the praise of God’s mercy in forgiving and healing the soul from sin. 67 Thus, in<br />

Book I, as he prepares to confess his past life before God and his readers, Augustine<br />

pleads before God, “Though I am but dust and ashes, allow me to speak in the presence<br />

of your mercy, for, behold, it is to your mercy that I speak, and not to some person who<br />

might mock me.” 68 In Book X, having told the story of his past life through in the light of<br />

God’s continuous mercy towards him, Augustine will now confess “not what I was, but<br />

what I am now.” 69 So he begins Book X with a prayer very similar to that he offered in<br />

the Soliloquies, “Let me know you, O you who know me. Let me know you even as I am<br />

known by you.” 70 He recognizes that if he is to know himself truly, he must learn to see<br />

himself as God sees him. To believe anything else about himself is only a falsehood:<br />

“What else is it to know oneself than to hear the truth about oneself from you? If<br />

67 In Sermon 29A, which he preached around the time he was writing his Confessions, Augustine<br />

writes, “Whether you sing praise for God’s gifts, or pour out your sins with tears, confess to the Lord the he<br />

is good, for his mercy endures forever. For confession is not the recognition of our sins alone, but also the<br />

praise of our Lord, and we cannot do one of these without the other. For we accuse ourselves of our sins in<br />

the hope of his mercy, and we praise his mercy when we recall our sins.” Sermo 29A (CCSL 41:9-15):<br />

“siue dona illius laudando cantetis, siue peccata uestra gemendo fundatis, confitemini domino quoniam<br />

bonus est, quoniam in saeculum misericordia eius. neque enim sola commemoratio peccatorum nostrorum,<br />

sed etiam domini nostri laudatio confessio dicitur, quia, et si unum horum faciamus, non sine altero<br />

facimus. nam et iniquitatem nostram cum spe misericordiae ipsius accusamus, et ipsius misericordiam cum<br />

iniquitatis nostrae recordatione laudamus.”<br />

68 Confessions I.6.7 (CCSL 27): “sed tamen sine me loqui apud misericordiam tuam, me terram et<br />

cinerem, sine tamen loqui, quoniam ecce misericordia tua est, non homo, inrisor meus, cui loquor.”<br />

sum.”<br />

69 Confessions X.4.6 (CCSL 27): “non qualis fuerim, sed qualis sim.”<br />

70 Confessions X.1.1 (CCSL 27): “cognoscam te, cognitor meus, cognoscam, sicut et cognitus<br />

38

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