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in confidence. By challenging his behaviour clearly and directly she might have let go of the tiredness, some of the powerful emotions and the impact of this abuse. So far, many of the stories in this thesis have been multilayered. Several have focused on my own and nurses‘ frustrations, resentments and anger at systemic problems (the macro level) others focus on dysfunctional relationships (the micro level) and the personal cost for the nurse. Jenny‘s story shows all three processes and typifies how some nursing experiences can leave their mark. Consequently, there is the likelihood of a build up of angry feelings and a sense of powerlessness at both the system represented by the staff in charge of the ward and herself for her own inactions. I suggest left unresolved strong emotions such as anger, frustration and resentment are carried in the system and the nurse‘s body leading to tiredness, cynicism, a lack of trust and disengagement. The wider field of practice shown in this story denies the emotional impact on Jenny, the Staff Nurse and the patient. My argument is that in noticing our emotions and their bodily impact during care-giving we can channel that information into being reflexive leading to changed action. I now move on to explore our co-inquiry relating to anger and reflection which was our fifth action cycle connecting our shared stories (9/6/05) and was represented by the image overleaf. For a month we noticed when we became angry and what happened as a consequence. I also analysed my diaries looking for entries that focused on feeling angry at work. As Jenny‘s story showed, I found plenty of anger present in the ward that was not openly acknowledged. It seemed to reduce the possibilities for learning and reflecting; instead it promoted whinging and sometimes an emotional orgy. As Powell (1989 p.829) found in her observational study of reflection- in-action, practising nurses failed to extrapolate learning opportunities in the ward. Twenty years later, with more educated nurses than ever before, why was this still the case? 219
At the bottom of the power station in the image above, we placed a clip from a TV soap saying ‗the game‘s up‘. I was perplexed by this for a long time recognising it had some deeper meaning for this inquiry. Eventually, Alice and I linked it to the drama triangle 55 . I have suggested unconscious games are played out in the nursing field, whereby roles of persecutor, victim and rescuer are dynamically switched, as a form of implicit communication (Karpman 1968). This I argued served to keep nurses feeling powerless and victims. In Jenny‘s experience everyone was left feeling ―hard done by‖ suggesting another example of the drama triangle game. In the co-inquiry group through reflecting, we saw ourselves as vulnerable rather than a victim, as responsible instead of rescuing others, and we had a sense of our own power and influence rather than persecuting others. We worked collaboratively and could admit to not knowing all the answers when we practised. We saw this as a possible alternative to the drama triangle game (Hay 2007, Choy 1990) and a way 55 See chapter 4 220
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Hopkinson, C. (2010) More than a go
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Abstract Reflection-in-action is a
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Special Thanks Special thanks are d
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Conclusion.........................
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List of Appendices Appendix 1 Infor
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stories and metaphor as ways of ref
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mostly learning happened through pl
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other patients on the unit who need
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The next story I present also had a
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help us process the experience. I d
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emotional and difficult events in t
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In the Classroom I won‘t do this
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through an avoidance of the body/mi
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Action and Stories in Developing Pr
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mattered to them and were relevant
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Clarke et al (1996) suggested refle
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and qualitative approaches have bee
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alienated from the thinking and dec
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In collaborative inquiry ‗critica
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enabling organisational patterns ov
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ideas with Bourdieu‘s concepts wh
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process 13 which has been central t
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encompasses Bourdieu‘s complex co
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Gaining Ethical Approval: A Story o
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process. Nevertheless, the committe
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time. Two practitioners joined the
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generation was through sharing prac
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from returning to practice and the
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conversation in order to deepen our
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possibilities and tensions of refle
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and gaps in my knowledge so that my
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esearcher (and reader) cannot under
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Strand 2: Emerging Processes As par
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searching and reading published lit
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Chapter 3: A Poetic Inquiry Every p
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What Does the Healthcare Literature
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There are several themes emerging f
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Having searched the poetry literatu
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objectivity and functionality throu
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Qualitative Inquiry journal in thei
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―defamiliarize‖; science freque
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that I puzzled over what the powerf
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I wish I could take this in my stri
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A few days later there was a discus
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Moving towards Co-Inquiry through S
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‗The Wounded Nurse‘ created a d
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off for mandatory training sessions
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experiential exercise, a lecturer w
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Just a Pair of Hands I get my hands
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potentially stifles the spontaneity
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layered and provide new insights ov
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Surprisingly I did not anticipate a
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illusionary as the Douglas Adams qu
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Reflecting through Diary Writing To
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comfortable, positive and relaxed.
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For Jordon, unless she had a perfor
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used time in a contradictory way; s
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Alex found being so busy was isolat
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go and find the area is actually ok
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Does a Busy Environment Affect Refl
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Jane: Well staff won‟t…once upo
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About a year later, in March 2006,
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I started to wonder if the busy syn
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My argument is, that if ‗being bu
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aspects of nursing may hold more so
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was also prevalent and was a way th
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Photograph from Davies (1980 p. 7-8
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Nightingale was a woman of action a
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and romantic/feminine appeared most
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woman‘. I see this as a gender an
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The kettle‘s boiled Milk and suga
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Whinging Women? Gossip, whinge, nag
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whinge? That‟s interesting, it‟
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Breaking News: You need to stop wri
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The story above highlights the loss
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experience with the ethics committe
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This made me wonder about the compl
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She thought it helped nurses reliev
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I realised through the creative wri
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emotions can become exaggerated in
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she ‗likes‘ all her patients th
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my patient, you answer it‖; somet
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sibling derives. Therefore in medie
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Susan had also received a phone-cal
Page 169 and 170: So what does Susan learn? To keep h
Page 171 and 172: Silence and/or Reflection Inaction?
Page 173 and 174: the usual place for this form of ca
Page 175 and 176: Conclusion This chapter has questio
Page 177 and 178: game. This embodied habitus keeps n
Page 179 and 180: Minnie 45 captured the difficulties
Page 181 and 182: can transform and widen one‘s per
Page 183 and 184: drawn to this question. In the last
Page 185 and 186: Perhaps this was due to nurses not
Page 187 and 188: combination, or purely a matter of
Page 189 and 190: mistrust of hierarchy and are not p
Page 191 and 192: Recently I discovered in Native Ame
Page 193 and 194: I think I can veer between feeling
Page 195 and 196: At times you feel you don‟t have
Page 197 and 198: to gain more resources and to flag
Page 199 and 200: The rabbit twitches it‘s whiskers
Page 201 and 202: She talked about the freeze on post
Page 203 and 204: context in which the person may be
Page 205 and 206: imagine staff will feel personally
Page 207 and 208: We discussed how this process would
Page 209 and 210: exposing the imaginary boundaries a
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Page 213 and 214: Chapter 7: Embodying Reflexivity: D
Page 215 and 216: cultural and systemic tensions alre
Page 217 and 218: Rising above the Wall: Getting Angr
Page 219: does not permit this kind of action
Page 223 and 224: when the staff nurse who I imagine
Page 225 and 226: So when I lost it, on the ward, I m
Page 227 and 228: change it? Thus getting angry could
Page 229 and 230: y creating a dialogue. Similarly, S
Page 231 and 232: I‟ve always focused more on pract
Page 233 and 234: Careful Talk: Naming Emotions and D
Page 235 and 236: I‟m getting a lot of confidence i
Page 237 and 238: pavement”. This image came to rep
Page 239 and 240: Shocking He was chatting Then dead
Page 241 and 242: to come into work on her day off to
Page 243 and 244: for incompetence? In describing vul
Page 245 and 246: They don‟t see that they have got
Page 247 and 248: esponses‘ and ‗what is yours‘
Page 249 and 250: Chapter 8: Invisible Learning: More
Page 251 and 252: 206). I have tried to demonstrate s
Page 253 and 254: I think this misses the point of Bo
Page 255 and 256: came to embody and experience them
Page 257 and 258: change can be orchestrated, sustain
Page 259 and 260: field of feeling unsupported by man
Page 261 and 262: silent subversion, their felt power
Page 263 and 264: I suggest a lack of two-way explici
Page 265 and 266: etween nurses while talking away an
Page 267 and 268: evident may feel physically tired t
Page 269 and 270: Embodying reflexivity mostly uses s
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a blanket answer because being over
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power) concentrate on time saving,
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Many of the training needs and chan
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creating an illusion of control and
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possible to learn from stories irre
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interplay between the two positions
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Final Thoughts or Beginnings? Refle
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I was further challenged to conside
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has value. My hope is that this the
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Bleakley, A. (2000b) Writing with I
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Clandinin, D.J. Connelly, F.M. (199
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de Vault, M.L. (1997) Personal Writ
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Ghaye, T., Lillyman, S. (2006) Lear
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Hodkinson, P., Biesta, G., James, D
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Johns, C. Freshwater, D. (1998) Tra
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Midgley, M. (1996) Utopias, Dolphin
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Powell, J. (1989) The reflective pr
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Searle, R., Sheehan, D. (2008) Inno
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Tripp, D. (1998) Critical Incidents
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Appendix 1 Information Sheet for Pa
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sense of the research material. You
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produced. However, at the end of th
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Date.................. I can be con
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Appendix 4 Interview Schedule for S
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many as I would like due to other w
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poems. Claire has used pros (sectio
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Appendix 8 Why Reflect X NHS Trust
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Guidance Notes 1. Description of ex
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