How to Write a Radio Serial Drama for Social Development- PDF

186 Chapter Thirteen: The Value of Editing
Editing to Heighten Scene Momentum
Keeping the momentum going in a scene that is delivering important
message information can be difficult, as the following scene illustrates. In this
excerpt from the Pakistani radio series, Sukhi Ghar (Happy Home), a health
worker, Shaista, comes to consult an important village member, Chauhdri,
about a scheme for providing women with a simple income-generating
business. In the previous episode, Shaista tried to convince Chauhdri and his
wife that their ten-year-old daughter, Razia, is too young to be engaged and
certainly too young to be married. Chauhdri was prepared to listen to
Shaista’s arguments, but his wife was not. (In the interest of space, the name
Shaista has been abbreviated to Shai in the script, and Chauhdri to Chau.)
Original Version
Edited Version
1. SHAI: Chauhdri, I have to consult you.
2. CHAU: Please do.
3. SHAI: I desire to start a commercial training
center for women in Sukhi Nagar.
4. CHAU: What do you mean, center What
would they do in this center
5. SHAI: Skilled craft work...knitting, sewing,
basket making...things like that.
6. CHAU: They already do that in their homes.
7. SHAI: Yes, but if they were to bring their
goods to my shop in town they would
sell easily and make a good side income
for the women.
8. CHAU: Why ask me, my son You and the local
women should discuss it.
9. SHAI: I am asking you because we need a
suitable place for such a center, and I
would like to use your premises.
10. CHAU: That sounds fine. I’ll ask my wife. Our
back yard is vacant. You can use that,
and I’m sure my wife will want to be
involved also. But I must warn you of
something...
11. SHAI: What is that
12. CHAU: People here...what they have not done
before, they hesitate to start...they have
suspicions and misgivings.
1. SHAI: Chauhdri, I have to consult with you.
2. CHAU: Please do.
3. FX. CHILD SCREAMING. GENERAL
COMMOTION.
4. SHAI: Whatever is that terrible noise
5. CHAU: Just Razia...she’s a very willful child.
Always screaming and carrying on. So,
what did you want
6. SHAI: I desire to start a commercial training
center for women in Sukhi Nagar.
7. CHAU: What do you mean, center What
would they do in this center
8. SHAI: Skilled craft work...knitting, sewing,
basket making...things like that.
9. CHAU: They already do that in their homes.
10. SHAI: Yes, but if they were to bring their
goods to my shop in town they would
sell easily and make a good side income
for the women.
11. FX. CHILD CRYING LOUDLY AND
CALLING OUT “NO."
12. SHAI: She doesn’t sound happy, that little
Razia. Is she upset about her
engagement
13. CHAU: She’s always like that when she
contradicts her mother. It is nothing, it
will pass. But...back to your idea...why
are you asking ME about it