Valentine's Day, Sunday, February 14, 2010 at 10:20 am

marriage with Groucho was a joke?…Murray was really hot on a woman named BettyHayden, an ex of another famous celebrity, Sterling Hayden, and Murray dated her 12weeks after the breakup (but not yet a divorce). She accounted how Sterling had a lot ofproblems (depression, violence). Read his accounts with dates in the 1953 entries.He was definitely an intelligent man, a natural writer, with a great facility withcasual relationships and meeting and interacting with many people. A natural socializer,fun to be with, a great talker, but also he probably had a strong independent streak, so afocus on friends would be far more comfortable for him than maintaining a committedrelationship would be a challenge. Mind, ideas, communication, people contact (one-tomany)focus. He could stand back at arm’s length and conceptualize about life (as he didin his book/journal), detach enough to do so, to understand life and then talk (or write)about it. So there was a strong verbal and intellectual side to his nature. I would’ve reallyliked to have known him and interacted with him regularly (unlike Herrmann, probably :). Herrmann was a “better” musician/composer and consistently loved all things music(Murray had problems with writing) but Murray would’ve been far more agreeable toknow on a personality level. He was talented and certainly versatile in his composingstyle(s)—probably even far more so than Herrmann! I think Murray was more adaptablethan Herrmann (for example, he can work easily with other composers’ materials). Heneeded a lot of mental stimulation and variety to keep him going, and so he probably gotbored fairly quickly (and hence not so inspired). Herrmann was temperamentally steadierin his composing habits, and kept on going—the Energizer bunny, eh, composer. He wasa lot more volatile emotionally whereas Murray was a lot more life in the head, open &expressive & fun. Murray could shrug off Benny’s confrontational style pretty much likewater off a duck’s back—until, that is, it became too personal with Benny’s meancomments towards him or his family. So they pretty much broke up their friendshiparound 1961 I believe. Despite his mental and verbal and humorous focus, something was“eating” at him inside, so much so that he died of cancer. Cancer is often, psychologicallyspeaking, a sense of helplessness & hopelessness—sometimes wanting something badlybut can’t seem to be able to get it or achieve it (like a successful long-term marriagecommitment). He wanted it in his basic nature, it ought to be perfect & ideal andidealistic, but it never worked out. Divorce four times at least. Great ability to deal withpeople in general but difficulty in a close, intimate relationship. I think one part of himwanted it but another part was ambivalent about it, and perhaps the lady acted out theprojection. He wanted what he wanted, and part of that was to do his own thing, be anindependent operator. Composing was not the most stable career but it did provide thevariety and intellectual-artistic stimulation he wanted. Lots of changes, lots of contacts,being innovative and experimental. He was also satisfying his need for both short-termand long-term travel & change & extending one’s social life. But I think he had somelesson to learn in life about over-reach or self-blocking/self-doubt. Despite the insecurity,he nevertheless preferred creative, independent, varied work. But he also had a goodability for teamwork, give & take, be diplomatic and balanced (unlike Herrmann in manycases!). He really needed to share, to relate to other people in an equal, open manner—friend s and work associates you meet regularly, etc. He was probably too sensitive towhat other people thought despite that mental or detached focus, wanting approval and19