Testimonies for the Church Volume 1 - A New You Ministry

in being unable to experience the exaltation of spirit that others manifested. It seemedto me that I was different from them and forever shut out from the perfect joy ofholiness of heart.My ideas concerning justification and sanctification were confused. These twostates were presented to my mind as separate and distinct from each other; yet Ifailed to comprehend the difference or understand the meaning of the terms, and allthe explanations of the preachers increased my difficulties. I was unable to claim theblessing for myself, and wondered if it was to be found only among the Methodists,and if, in attending the advent meetings, I was not shutting myself away from thatwhich I desired above all else, the sanctifying Spirit of God.Still, I observed that some of those who claimed to be sanctified, manifested abitter spirit when the subject of the soon coming of Christ was introduced; this didnot seem to me a manifestation of the holiness which they professed. I could notunderstand why ministers from the pulpit should so oppose the doctrine that Christ’ssecond coming was near. Reformation had followed the preaching of this belief, andmany of the most devoted ministers and laymen had received it as the truth. It seemedto me that those who sincerely loved Jesus would be ready to accept the tidings of Hiscoming and rejoice that it was at hand.I felt that I could claim only what they called justification. In the word of GodI read that without holiness no man should see God. Then there was some higherattainment that I must reach before I could be sure of eternal life. I studied over thesubject continually; for I believed that Christ was soon to come, and feared He wouldfind me unprepared to meet Him. Words of condemnation rang in my ears day andnight, and my constant cry to God was, What shall I do to be saved?In my mind the justice of God eclipsed His mercy and23