Testimonies for the Church Volume 1 - A New You Ministry

I was unreconciled to going out into the world, and dreaded to meet its sneers andopposition. I had little self-confidence. Hitherto when the Spirit of God had urgedme to duty, I had risen above myself, forgetting all fear and timidity in the thoughtof Jesus’ love and the wonderful work He had done for me. The constant assurancethat I was fulfilling my duty and obeying the will of the Lord gave me a confidencethat surprised me. At such times I felt willing to do or suffer anything in order to helpothers into the light and peace of Jesus.But it seemed impossible for me to perform this work that was presented beforeme; to attempt it seemed certain failure. The trials attending it appeared more than Icould endure. How could I, a child in years, go forth from place to place, unfoldingto the people the holy truths of God? My heart shrank in terror from the thought. Mybrother Robert, but two years older than myself, could not accompany me, for he wasfeeble in health and his timidity greater than mine; nothing could have induced him totake such a step. My father had a family to support, and could not leave his business;but he assured me that if God had called me to labor in other places, He would not failto open the way for me. But these words of encouragement brought little comfort tomy desponding heart; the path before me seemed hedged in with difficulties that I wasunable to overcome.I coveted death as a release from the responsibilities that were crowding upon me.At length the sweet peace I had so long enjoyed left me, and despair again pressedupon my soul. My prayers all seemed vain, and my faith was gone. Words of comfort,reproof, or encouragement were alike to me; for it seemed that no one could understandme but God, and He had forsaken me. The company of believers in Portland wereignorant concerning the exercises of my mind that had brought me into this state ofdespondency; but they knew that for some reason my mind had become depressed, andthey felt63