Testimonies for the Church Volume 1 - A New You Ministry

impression upon the tablets of their memory. Waking or sleeping, the frightful picturewas ever before them, until reality became lost in imagination, and they saw onlythe wreathing flames of a fabulous hell, and heard only the shrieking of the doomed.Reason became dethroned, and the brain was filled with the wild phantasy of a terribledream. Those who teach the doctrine of an eternal hell would do well to look moreclosely after their authority for so cruel a belief.I had never prayed in public and had only spoken a few timid words in prayermeeting. It was now impressed upon me that I should seek God in prayer at our smallsocial meetings. This I dared not do, fearful of becoming confused and failing toexpress my thoughts. But the duty was impressed upon my mind so forcibly that whenI attempted to pray in secret I seemed to be mocking God because I had failed to obeyHis will. Despair overwhelmed me, and for three long weeks no ray of light piercedthe gloom that encompassed me.My sufferings of mind were intense. Sometimes for a whole night I would not dareto close my eyes, but would wait until my twin sister was fast asleep, then quietly leavemy bed and kneel upon the floor, praying silently with a dumb agony that cannot bedescribed. The horrors of an eternally burning hell were ever before me. I knew that itwas impossible for me to live long in this state, and I dared not die and meet the terriblefate of the sinner. With what envy did I regard those who realized their acceptance withGod! How precious did the Christian’s hope seem to my agonized soul!I frequently remained bowed in prayer nearly all night, groaning and tremblingwith inexpressible anguish and a hopelessness that passes all description. Lord, havemercy! was my plea, and, like the poor publican, I dared not lift my eyes to heaven,but bowed my face upon the floor. I became very much reduced in flesh and strength,yet kept my suffering and despair to myself.26