Asian Transformations in Action - Api-fellowships.org

SPECIFICITIES OF GLOBALIZATION 181Beyond a certain age, one is obliged to start ‘being anadult’ and fulfill one’s designated role, one’s promise orpotential in society, and from that time, one becomesemotionally ‘an island’ at the honne or inner level,having to conceal personal thoughts and feelings for thesake of maintaining social obligations and meeting thedemands of group cohesion.Physically and inter-personally though, at the tatemae orexterior level, one is never allowed the luxury of being ‘anisland,’ unless one has already been banished as a socialmisfit. Every action, gesture, utterance or movementbears consideration for others before oneself.Even on a train amongst strangers, entering a lift withpeople you have never ever seen before, in a crowdedcafé or narrow aisles in a convenient store, everyoneis always mindful of people around them, and beingconsciously and visibly mindful to the others, albeitwithout a single bit of genuine emotion given or takenin the exchange of gestures.‘Why smile when a grin will do?’In fact, to smile to strangers may be overdoing the‘tatemae’ somewhat, and may leave the other personuncomfortable or even suspicious about our intentions.Better just to offer a restrained grin, that’s it. Nice andsimple, nothing too expressive, nothing too committal,nothing out of the ordinary.Living in Tokyo, especially whenever I am out andabout in the ‘big, bad’ metropolis, I feel like my soul isredundant. Never is it engaged, never will it be requiredin order to navigate through my daily existence in this‘material utopia.’ I only need to be armed with a retinueof small gestures, such as nods, raising of the hands,small bows, stiffening the body when someone takes aseat next to me or enters a cramped lift next to me, etcetera.In fact, having my soul fully engaged on a daily basiswould often leave me mentally exhausted, overwhelmed,confused or depressed, so much so that it made moresense to shut off my sense of feeling and cease engagingmy soul when it was not in any way necessary orrequired.After awhile, the soul, feeling so neglected and divestedof interest, will gravitate towards items of materialpleasure, seeking out something nice to eat, some visualstimuli to consume or distract, a cool product to own,a new piece of cosmetic tool, a clothing statement, astylish place to be seen, a TV program to collectivelyhave half-hearted laughter with, an accessory that ‘fits’one’s image of oneself; oh, the possibilities go on andon and on.And so I became more and more of an isolated creaturein deep hunger for some compassion and some sense ofwarmth amongst people, finding satiation only in thetemporary release of material pleasure and comforts.Much Ado about NothingTill today, I have not been able to make my Japanesefriends truly understand what I had been going throughin Japan. They all kept echoing the same declaration ofincredulity, “But you have a Japanese wife with you!”I realize now that, in their eyes, I was more thanprivileged in my own situation. A spouse was in fact theonly person one could appropriately share one’s burdenwith, in principle. Not your friends, not even your bestfriends on most occasions, nor colleagues, nor one’srelatives, nor even one’s parents at times (depending onhow welcoming they are, in fact).For myself, as a Malay, a sense of compassion amongst alarger group or network of social allies is essential to ourgood state of mind, confidence and well-being.When my father passed away last year, I was touchedto see even long-forgotten friends and former workcolleagues show willingness to come out of their wayto attend my father’s funeral, even though they hadnever met him. It was simply a genuine, and strong,expression of regard, support and compassion for theirfellow brethren, even from amongst non-Malay andnon-Muslim friends and colleagues.Even some total strangers who had known my fathercame and approached me, opening up to me, expressingtheir deep and genuine sympathy for me, sometimeseven struggling to hold back the tears in front of me.These are but a handful of examples of how we often stepup to the plate and offer some gesture of compassionand love to soothe those we see in need, even when notcalled for and even when with strangers.I was saddened by the fact that hardly any of my Japanesefriends knew what to say to me (assuming that theyeven wanted to say anything to me) with regards to theloss of my father. Perhaps I cannot really judge them;perhaps it is not something that they even knew how torespond to appropriately. Perhaps it is not somethingthey would even bring up with a friend, in the mannerthat I did to them.Asian Transformations in ActionThe Work of the 2006/2007 API Fellows