Asian Transformations in Action - Api-fellowships.org

186 SPECIFICITIES OF GLOBALIZATIONI reasoned with her that perhaps this was surprising,because, from where I stood, at least prior to my timein Japan, documentary filmmakers have always beenprivileged in being able to pursue a career that isrichly rewarding to their own sense of well-being andalso made them better exposed to the hidden truths,realities and challenges of life, and thus should be muchbetter equipped in coming to terms with it, but Ms.Yamaguchi clarified that, conversely, that made themeven more vulnerable, more susceptible and in dangerof over-exposure to the problems of society and theconflicts of their subjects’ inner psyche.She reported how a respectable documentary filmdirector from one of the biggest nationwide TV stationsin Japan had recently conducted a very comprehensivestudy of depression in Japan, through her organizationand some of her participants, and to her surprise shediscovered later that the TV station had decided againstscreening the director’s finished documentary film.He later took his own life, she told me.“Was it an act of protest or grievance of any sort? Orwas it out of a sense of hopelessness?” I asked her.It was hopelessness, she told me.This was like, indeed, yet another hammer-blow to myheart, since I, myself, had lost a Japanese documentaryfilmmaking friend and colleague to depression-drivensuicide in September last year; he was a very prominentand proactive documentary filmmaker as well assomeone with whom I shared mutual appreciation inone another’s work.I realized that sometimes people living on the frontlineof these social tragedies and insanities are the ones whoare at greater risk. So I wondered then how she couldherself cope with so much trauma with such regularityand such proximity, considering that she had just toldme about a patient of hers who, after some three years oftherapy under her watch and advice, had just committedsuicide three days prior to my interview with her.It was then that she revealed to me that she was a 9/11survivor in that a freak accident had forced her to cancelher confirmed ticket on the tragic and infamous United93 flight that perished on September 11, 2001. She saidit took the trauma of that experience and the feelingof guilt in causing another human being to die in herplace to ultimately give her the determination andcommitment to establish MDA Japan and to play a rolein society to help other people facing trauma and otherpsychological disorders.She said that we must all be prepared to give back tosociety if we wished ourselves to be saved and protected,be it from natural disaster, acts of terrorism or personalpsychological trauma.Although I could never compare my experience withthat of hers, nevertheless I could take some wisdomfrom her: that everything one goes through in life hasits own hidden meaning and purpose, and mine wasbecoming more and more tangible with every interviewand every stone unturned.“Is spirituality or the lack of it, then, the problem? Is it‘the’ problem?” I asked them all at the end.As I mentioned before, this was just the end of thebeginning of my journey into this theme. The middleis the making of the film, and the end will be therelationships and connections the film will make withthe people who will make up its audience.At every stage, there will be many bridges to be built,the bridges between myself and the people within myfilm during the making, and the bridges between thefilm and the audience in the end.In Conclusion…Sort of…I am suddenly drawn back to the memory of attendingthe nabe-party at New Start after my interview withFutagami-san. I was myself rather intimidated by thethought of meeting so many hikikomori, unsure of howto deal or interact with them, and insecure about myown awkwardness in group situations such as these.Little did I expect to see them boldly and ebullientlyapproaching me, sometimes even ‘cornering me’ just tohave some—often disjointed—conversation with me,at times in English, at times in Japanese, their thoughtsand logic not at all so polished but their genuinenessand sheer enthusiasm so touching and inspiring.I left the party rather late, filled with warmth andreal feelings, something that I felt once again severelydeprived of upon my return to Tokyo this time.‘I had a potful of human contact and emotion tonight,’I remember thinking to myself, ‘And I think and hope Igave back as much to some of them as I took.’Was I in need of it more, or were they?Interesting question.Asian Transformations in ActionThe Work of the 2006/2007 API Fellows