Confessions of an IT Manager_Phil Factor

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Section III: Software Projects: the Good, the Bad and the Pitiful 147 whilst viewing source-code, the scrolling is so rapid as to be a blur, creating, on the screen, an animated line on a white background. It wiggles from the left slightly as code gets indented. In this case, it wiggled, and wiggled, across the width of the window, and on until it disappeared off the right. Page after page flashed by; occasionally it wiggled provocatively into view from the right hand side, like a fan-dancer from behind a curtain, only to wiggle off-screen again. I sat mesmerised. After what seemed like an age, the blurred vertical line of code wiggled firmly back into view and gradually across the screen until finally it laid itself to rest once more on the left hand side. End of file. No procedures, no subroutines, just stream-of-consciousness coding. A few straightforward questions elicited the obvious fact that he knew less about programming than I did about Chinese ballet. It was a curious thought that his code had been peer-reviewed, a thought that led me to look at the code for the whole team. When I broke it to the project manager that the team probably had many talents, but he was not to rely on any programming skills from any of them, he was nonplussed and showed me the CVs. They were so good I had the sudden uncontrollable urge to hire them on the spot before I shook myself fully awake. With everyone's consent, I arranged for the CVs to be checked out by a specialist. It is, perhaps, little known that it is very easy, for a modest fee, to arrange for a CV to be checked for its veracity. When my researcher phoned back, he was gurgling with laughter. They were almost completely fictional. Qualifications and experience were completely invented. Nothing checked out at all beyond the basic personal information. They were all contractors and all hired from the same agency. They were all appointed at the same time. Funnily enough, they all left at the same time, leaving a project headed once again on the right course.
148 The Sticking Page-Down-Key Incident They all left at the same time I'll be the first to admit that this was an unusual occurrence, and it was strange that the developmental methodology, or team processes, had not rapidly highlighted the source of the problem. However, real life seldom goes quite like the book says it ought to, and the reality of the software industry is, just occasionally, more absurd than one would dare to imagine.
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Best of Simple Talk Confessions of
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ii Copyright Phil Factor 2009 ISBN
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iv Clinging to the Flotsam. A Survi
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Introduction During my career as an
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10 Training Your IT Manager The DBA
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12 Training Your IT Manager Section
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14 Training Your IT Manager via cur
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16 Training Your IT Manager it. Per
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18 Training Your IT Manager Of cour
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20 The Septic Tank Miscellaneous el
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The Yancey Men First published 03 O
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Section I: On Learning to Love your
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Bunnikins! First published 24 Augus
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36 Betting on Promotion At one stag
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38 Betting on Promotion could at le
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40 How to Prevent Initiatives that
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42 How to Prevent Initiatives Guys,
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Irregular verbs for IT managers Fir
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Phrases with which to discourage id
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52 Initiating a project with a Stra
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Looking Busy First published 23 Nov
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60 Doing things - The Manual Do som
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62 The Incident of 'The Two Johns'
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Section II: The Strange Business of
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66 Going It Alone I had it working,
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The Walrus and the Manager First Pu
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Click-A-Crematorium First published
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80 A Chilling Prophecy Some time ag
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82 Talking Technical explaining tha
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The Diary of a Microsoft Marketing
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Microsoft Boy announces his School
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92 The March of Technology "Just be
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94 The March of Technology got the
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Page 115 and 116: 114 The Technically Minded Subclass
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Page 122 and 123: The Joy of NAD First Published 30 O
Page 128 and 129: Smoke and Mirrors First Published 1
Page 133 and 134: 132 The Acronym Playpen Basic. I ch
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Page 140 and 141: The Ghost in the Machine First publ
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Page 151 and 152: 150 The Escape from Developer Hell
Page 153 and 154: 152 The Escape from Developer Hell
Page 155 and 156: 154 The Time Bomb The bolt from the
Page 157 and 158: 156 The Time Bomb I made sure that
Page 159 and 160: 158 The Time Bomb For us, it was so
Page 161 and 162: 160 On the Trail with the Cowboy Co
Page 163 and 164: 162 On the Trail with the Cowboy Co
Page 165 and 166: 164 When the Fever is Over, and one
Page 168 and 169: The Computer that Swore First Publi
Page 176 and 177: Section IV: Hiring, Firing and othe
Page 182 and 183: IT Agencies and the Devil First pub
Page 188 and 189: The Stepford Geeks First published
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Page 193 and 194: 192 The Terror of Technical Tests t
Page 195 and 196: 194 The Interview with the Psychome
Page 197 and 198: 196 Brown Shoes Don't Make It in th
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Technical Interviews and Tests Have
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Section IV: Hiring, Firing and othe
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204 Two stops short of Dagenham Eve
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The March of Time First published 2
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Fired With Enthusiasm First Publish
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The Whipping Boy First published 21
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220 Hens that Crow He seemed compel
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222 Hens that Crow street. I spent
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224 The New Man subject he knew abs
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226 The New Man told me the Directo
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Section V: What If …? 229 Had IT
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Section V: What If …? 231 energy
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Had offshoring been responsible for
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Section V: What If …? 235 Beaumon
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Section V: What If …? 237 Jonson:
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240 Had Tennyson been a Technical A
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242 Had God been a Technical Author
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244 Had the Sistine Chapel been Cre
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250 Captain Codd and the Simple Pro
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252 Captain Codd and the Simple Pro
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Section VI: Hiccoughs in the Workin
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260 The Pub Lunch and Programming i
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262 At half-past three, it's time f
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264 At half-past three, it's time f
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266 Cha: Tea-drinking for IT Develo
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Survival Tips for PowerPoint Boredo
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276 The Joy of IT Meetings period.
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Why do we call them 'Bugs'? First p
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The Ballad of the Tuple Relation Fi
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Common Law, and the Need for Restra
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288 Phil Factor on the Law my appli
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290 Phil Factor on the Law Meanwhil
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292 Santa's SLA revenue days for th
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Tomorrow will be our Dancing Day Ph
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302 The Data Center that Exploded:
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304 The Data Center that Exploded:
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About Red Gate You know those annoy
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Confessions of an IT Manager_Phil Factor

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