Confessions of an IT Manager_Phil Factor

56 Looking Busy
complexity, when they are, in fact, doing nothing more than updating their
facebook profile or organising their social life.
Project-management software is essential. This is because just a small
amount of data will produce reams of print-outs with esoteric graphs,
calculations and reports. When ever anybody queries the status of one of your
projects, just hand them the folder with all the printouts. The more data you put
into project-management software, the more wildly impressive it looks.
Attend lots of meetings. It is important to note that if you call lots of
meetings with other people in your own company, they eventually get bored
and don't turn up. Suppliers, and potential suppliers, are different: they always
turn up, especially if you are buying from them. Even if you don't, you can
string them along for a long while, and then you can just choose a different set.
Engage in 'crisis management', pursue just the most visible parts of the job.
It always helps to drop into conversation a mention of the feats of management
you regularly accomplish.
Make sure you get lots of SMS, phone and mobile calls (you will achieve
this by putting ads in the local papers).
Make lots of visits to other offices within your organisation. There's no need
to do anything when you're there, but it looks good, and is useful for dropping
in the conversation subsequently, thereby paying a double dividend. Once
everyone is aware of your peripatetic habits, nobody will even realise when
occasional visits are to the golf course.
Keep a box full of files which you strew all over your desk in neat piles
when you get in. Before you go, just stack them away again, thereby getting a
reputation for efficiency as well. A successful modification of this technique is
to dump the files into your in-tray, thereby impressing all with your workload
as well.
Revise all the documents that your subordinates submit to you for approval.
You will enjoy this too, since there is no passion like the passion to revise
someone else's document.
Spend lots of time organizing your time. That way, you look busy and
efficient, even though you will not have the time left to do the things you have
organized yourself to do.
When challenged as to why you have not done something you chuckle
confidently, say 'that would have been too simple, what we are doing is
studying the underlying processes, and understanding the fundamental
requirements of the users', and lean back in your chair with a smug smile.