Confessions of an IT Manager_Phil Factor

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Had offshoring been responsible for Hamlet First published 05 September 2006 After struggling with an outsourcing project, Phil wondered how Shakespeare would have coped if forced to outsource writing plays. Recalling the 'tragedy' that is Hamlet, it suddenly didn't seem quite so far-fetched …
234 Had offshoring been responsible for Hamlet 'The most Lamentable Comedy, and cruel death …' (A Midsummer Night's Dream) The Scene: A large oak-panelled meeting room of the Globe theatre on a cold September morning in 1600. The evening before had seen the disastrous dress rehearsal of 'Hamlet'. The audience had boo-ed the cast off stage. Rotten fruit had been thrown. Will Kemp, the actor, has resigned from the Globe in protest at the play being 'Not Funny Enough'. A crisis meeting is in progress. Present are Shakespeare (writer); Marlowe, Jonson, Beaumont and Fletcher (inhouse development team) and a Moorish Project Manager. Amidst the amorphous drone of the meeting, Shakespeare looks bored, and possibly hungry. He is idly scrawling his name on his pad. Wil Shakspure he writes, but is not quite pleased and tries again: Will Shakespare. He leans back in his chair with one eye closed in order to examine his work. Still he looks discontented … Shakespeare [soliloquy]: Writing is a mysterious process. Just when you think you have the hang of it, experience proves you wrong. Thank goodness I've always had such a good in-house development team. Marlow, Jonson, Beaumont and Fletcher have helped me turn out some excellent plays. A team with a proven track record is surely worth its weight in gold! But no, some cream-faced loon in the accounting house says we need to shave a few doubloons off the expense sheet and the next thing I know, the board of The Globe are 'persuading' me to offshore the whole play-writing process. It started well enough, I suppose. The proposal broadsheet was beautifully printed and promised to [reading from document] 'spearhead our business growth and place the Globe Theatre on the threshold of a new future.' Having the plays written by Moorish experts would, they argued, 'strengthen our competitive edge, not only by unmatched cost reduction, but also by a flexible integrated approach to a variety of playwriting challenges'. Sounds very impressive, no? And there is more. 'We are dedicated to developing and supporting custom scripts for new plays – tailored solutions that will meet thine particular target market'. And how about this: 'The Moorish company's dialogue-development systems art based on methodology already proven to the international playwriting industry'. I could go on, but needless to say, it all went down pretty big with De Vere and the rest of the Globe. In theory, all I have to do is specify the plot and they deliver the finished play, far cheaper than the in-house development team could have done it. Well, so much for theory … Shakespeare is jolted out of his reverie by the raised voice of Beaumont.
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Best of Simple Talk Confessions of
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ii Copyright Phil Factor 2009 ISBN
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iv Clinging to the Flotsam. A Survi
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Introduction During my career as an
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10 Training Your IT Manager The DBA
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12 Training Your IT Manager Section
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14 Training Your IT Manager via cur
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16 Training Your IT Manager it. Per
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18 Training Your IT Manager Of cour
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20 The Septic Tank Miscellaneous el
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The Yancey Men First published 03 O
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Section I: On Learning to Love your
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Bunnikins! First published 24 Augus
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36 Betting on Promotion At one stag
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38 Betting on Promotion could at le
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40 How to Prevent Initiatives that
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42 How to Prevent Initiatives Guys,
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Irregular verbs for IT managers Fir
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Phrases with which to discourage id
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52 Initiating a project with a Stra
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Looking Busy First published 23 Nov
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60 Doing things - The Manual Do som
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62 The Incident of 'The Two Johns'
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Section II: The Strange Business of
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66 Going It Alone I had it working,
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The Walrus and the Manager First Pu
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Click-A-Crematorium First published
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80 A Chilling Prophecy Some time ag
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82 Talking Technical explaining tha
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The Diary of a Microsoft Marketing
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Microsoft Boy announces his School
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92 The March of Technology "Just be
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94 The March of Technology got the
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Clinging to the Flotsam. A Survivor
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Section III: Software Projects: the
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110 Confessions of an IT Strategist
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112 Confessions of an IT Strategist
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114 The Technically Minded Subclass
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The Data Dialog First Published 30
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The Joy of NAD First Published 30 O
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Smoke and Mirrors First Published 1
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132 The Acronym Playpen Basic. I ch
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The Writing on the Wall First publi
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The Ghost in the Machine First publ
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146 The Sticking Page-Down-Key Inci
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148 The Sticking Page-Down-Key Inci
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150 The Escape from Developer Hell
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152 The Escape from Developer Hell
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154 The Time Bomb The bolt from the
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156 The Time Bomb I made sure that
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158 The Time Bomb For us, it was so
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160 On the Trail with the Cowboy Co
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162 On the Trail with the Cowboy Co
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164 When the Fever is Over, and one
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The Computer that Swore First Publi
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Section IV: Hiring, Firing and othe
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IT Agencies and the Devil First pub
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Page 188 and 189: The Stepford Geeks First published
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Page 193 and 194: 192 The Terror of Technical Tests t
Page 195 and 196: 194 The Interview with the Psychome
Page 197 and 198: 196 Brown Shoes Don't Make It in th
Page 200 and 201: Technical Interviews and Tests Have
Page 205 and 206: 204 Two stops short of Dagenham Eve
Page 208 and 209: The March of Time First published 2
Page 210 and 211: Fired With Enthusiasm First Publish
Page 214 and 215: The Whipping Boy First published 21
Page 221 and 222: 220 Hens that Crow He seemed compel
Page 223 and 224: 222 Hens that Crow street. I spent
Page 225 and 226: 224 The New Man subject he knew abs
Page 227: 226 The New Man told me the Directo
Page 230 and 231: Section V: What If …? 229 Had IT
Page 232 and 233: Section V: What If …? 231 energy
Page 236 and 237: Section V: What If …? 235 Beaumon
Page 238: Section V: What If …? 237 Jonson:
Page 241 and 242: 240 Had Tennyson been a Technical A
Page 243 and 244: 242 Had God been a Technical Author
Page 245 and 246: 244 Had the Sistine Chapel been Cre
Page 251 and 252: 250 Captain Codd and the Simple Pro
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Page 261 and 262: 260 The Pub Lunch and Programming i
Page 263 and 264: 262 At half-past three, it's time f
Page 265 and 266: 264 At half-past three, it's time f
Page 267 and 268: 266 Cha: Tea-drinking for IT Develo
Page 270 and 271: Survival Tips for PowerPoint Boredo
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Page 277 and 278: 276 The Joy of IT Meetings period.
Page 280 and 281: Why do we call them 'Bugs'? First p
Page 282 and 283: The Ballad of the Tuple Relation Fi
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Common Law, and the Need for Restra
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Section VI: Hiccoughs in the Workin
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288 Phil Factor on the Law my appli
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290 Phil Factor on the Law Meanwhil
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292 Santa's SLA revenue days for th
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Tomorrow will be our Dancing Day Ph
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302 The Data Center that Exploded:
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304 The Data Center that Exploded:
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About Red Gate You know those annoy
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