Confessions of an IT Manager_Phil Factor
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The March <strong>of</strong> Technology<br />
First Published 28 February 2007<br />
In which <strong>Phil</strong>, under the influence <strong>of</strong> a surfeit <strong>of</strong><br />
lobster, some fine wine <strong>an</strong>d a large book, conjures up<br />
<strong>an</strong> imaginary Bill Gates, lets him know why people<br />
aren't flocking to SQL 2005, <strong>an</strong>d <strong>of</strong>fers him a turning<br />
<strong>of</strong>f <strong>of</strong> the path to ever more complex <strong>an</strong>d bloated<br />
database s<strong>of</strong>tware.<br />
It must have been the lobster we had for supper, but I dozed over my book,<br />
<strong>an</strong>d slept fitfully. In my dreams, I bumped into Bill Gates.<br />
"Hi Bill", I greeted him amiably. "Long time no see".<br />
"It was 1982 to be precise", he replied, with that lopsided, curiously<br />
adolescent, grin I remembered so well. "And, I've been thinking, I was wrong<br />
to shout at you when we had adjacent st<strong>an</strong>ds at that conference."<br />
Blimey, I thought to myself, the lobster must have been <strong>of</strong>f.<br />
"My fault entirely", I replied magn<strong>an</strong>imously, "for explaining rather too<br />
enthusiastically to that senior executive from Ford Motor Comp<strong>an</strong>y that<br />
PCDOS was just CP/M with a bit <strong>of</strong> make up <strong>an</strong>d frilly knickers."<br />
"I didn't mind that so much as your long <strong>an</strong>d amusing speech about<br />
Concurrent CP/M being years ahead <strong>of</strong> PCDOS."<br />
"It was", I protested, "but you caught up eventually with NT. A shame about<br />
Xenix <strong>an</strong>d OS/2 though."<br />
"Never mind all that", said my old friend colouring up remarkably, "I need<br />
your advice on SQL Server".<br />
"I must be dreaming!" I expostulated.<br />
"You are", he replied. "You c<strong>an</strong>'t really imagine that the real Bill Gates<br />
w<strong>an</strong>ts your advice, c<strong>an</strong> you?"<br />
"I suppose not. Even in 1982, you weren't too keen. So you really are just <strong>an</strong><br />
imaginary Bill, dreamed up after drinking too much Vouvray 2002 with my<br />
Lobster ..."
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