Confessions of an IT Manager_Phil Factor

196 Brown Shoes Don't Make It
in this enterprise'. I imagined the three interviewers shaking their heads in
disbelief whilst debriefing themselves over a soothing cup of coffee.
I cursed my naivety in assuming that my technical abilities would take
precedence over my fashion sense. I must have looked even more dejected than
I felt, because she suddenly stopped in mid-flow and promised to buy me a nice
pair of regulation pattern black shoes, perfect for IT work in a bank. This she
then did, explaining that she was only temporarily working as an agent and
hadn't yet been infected with that callous indifference to their job candidates
that is so prevalent in the profession.
I have to say that it worked like a charm: within days I was 'aceing' job
interviews, knocking 'em dead. Occasionally, I would deliberately cross my
legs just so they could admire how closely my footwear conformed to the
sartorial standard. 'Hmm - footwear good, must be sound' I could almost hear
them think. I still have the original pair as a sentimental souvenir and, when
shoe shopping, I always take them with me and insist that the new pair are
exactly like them.
In the city, there is much discussion about the type of shirt to wear at
interview. I always advise white; you can't really go wrong. However, there is
some debate over the matter because the liberal wing, rather recklessly in my
opinion, will suggest that any shirt with sober vertical stripes will do. The suit,
it goes without saying, should be charcoal grey, though you can try pinstriped
for interviews for jobs of senior grade.
All this knowledge and expertise is nugatory when interviewing for Linux
jobs. It is part of the exaggerated informality of organizations that operate a
Linux policy that ties are symbols of the beast, and suits are the uniforms of the
army of Baal. I once had the misfortune to turn up to an interview for a
PostgresSQL job in such an organization, having come directly from an
interview for a banking job. I was greeted by a Java programmer dressed in a
full-length black cloak like a high-church rector, though the black skulls and
deaths-head chain rather spoilt the effect, and I'm not sure if the church is
supportive of plaitted hair in male priests (I later learned that he was a "Goth").
He was very charming, but I saw him glance nervously at my black shoes.
I surreptitiously took my tie off and slung the jacket over my shoulder. My
interviewer and I stared at each other as a lobster and a squid might do, and
decided instantly to keep the conversation on the common ground of creating
distributed applications in J2EE. I suspect he had half his mind on the pleasures
of chasing squealing elves through woodland at weekends, and he probably
thought I was dreaming of blasting grouse out of the sky whilst sneering at the
beaters. We cast our cultural differences to one side and basked in the shared
excitement of nailing squealing EJBs and 'stateful session beans' as they ran for