Confessions of an IT Manager_Phil Factor
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Section IV: Hiring, Firing <strong>an</strong>d other acts <strong>of</strong> Villainy 221<br />
I wrote out the basic job description for a programmer with knowledge <strong>of</strong><br />
dealing systems <strong>an</strong>d, in the hope <strong>of</strong> attracting a slightly higher class <strong>of</strong><br />
c<strong>an</strong>didate, I upped the salary a little. The description <strong>of</strong> the vac<strong>an</strong>t post at<br />
Batterbase went out to the agencies, listing Bernard as contact.<br />
A few days later Bernard phoned.<br />
"Darlllling!" he trilled.<br />
"My Love," I cooed back, nervously gl<strong>an</strong>cing around the <strong>of</strong>fice in case<br />
<strong>an</strong>yone was overhearing. Bernard was <strong>an</strong> extraordinary chap, <strong>an</strong> ex-actor who<br />
hid his unreconstructed pre-modernist masculinity behind <strong>an</strong> exaggerated<br />
theatrical camp.<br />
"You'll never guess it, but you've had someone apply for that job at<br />
Batterbase." Bernard rather liked the cl<strong>an</strong>destine nature <strong>of</strong> this assignment. "Let<br />
me do the first interview, darling, as I'm here already <strong>an</strong>d it will save you a trip.<br />
I know more about your business th<strong>an</strong> you do, so I c<strong>an</strong> fl<strong>an</strong>nel it without a<br />
script."<br />
I found it impossible to refuse his request, as it was very convenient even if<br />
it me<strong>an</strong>t missing <strong>an</strong> amusing lunch with a great comp<strong>an</strong>ion. A week later, he<br />
phoned again in some excitement. I'd rather forgotten about the interview in the<br />
distraction <strong>of</strong> sorting out various crises, <strong>an</strong>d his first sentence was rather a<br />
shock.<br />
"I've given the job to your c<strong>an</strong>didate. What a treasure he was, he'll do you<br />
proud!"<br />
"That was supposed to be a first interview, Bernard!" I cried, reproachfully,<br />
"I haven't even seen the CV!"<br />
"Well, I know but he was a real cracker. He had terrific references <strong>an</strong>d<br />
recent experience in dealing systems. You'll love him!"<br />
"Bernard!"<br />
"Oh dear. Maybe I got a bit carried away."<br />
I was in the process <strong>of</strong> replacing a person whose references I hadn't checked<br />
properly with someone who I'd never met <strong>an</strong>d who's CV I hadn't even seen! I<br />
felt that things had got slightly out <strong>of</strong> control.<br />
On the morning that Robert returned from a bout <strong>of</strong> flu I guided him into my<br />
<strong>of</strong>fice in order to give him his cards. He must have sensed that I wasn't going to<br />
give him a pay-rise, as he beat me to it <strong>an</strong>d h<strong>an</strong>ded in his notice. We decided on<br />
<strong>an</strong> immediate departure, <strong>an</strong>d he shook h<strong>an</strong>ds <strong>an</strong>d disappeared <strong>of</strong>f down the
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