Confessions of an IT Manager_Phil Factor
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Section V: What If …? 229<br />
Had <strong>IT</strong> been responsible for the<br />
Creation<br />
First published 09 August 2006<br />
In which <strong>Phil</strong> takes the liberty <strong>of</strong> retelling the<br />
Creation story to make it 'relev<strong>an</strong>t' to the modern <strong>IT</strong><br />
pr<strong>of</strong>essional.<br />
God looked up wearily as a two-headed donkey w<strong>an</strong>dered into the<br />
amphitheatre. It had a baffled look, <strong>an</strong>d rolled both pairs <strong>of</strong> eyes before bleating<br />
pathetically, raising its tail vertically, giving a squawk <strong>of</strong> alarm, <strong>an</strong>d exploding<br />
into a myriad <strong>of</strong> quivering chunks <strong>of</strong> meat. Whilst distractedly wiping <strong>of</strong>f the<br />
stains from his toga, God cast <strong>an</strong> <strong>an</strong>xious gl<strong>an</strong>ce at the assembled <strong>IT</strong> m<strong>an</strong>agers.<br />
"Art thou sure <strong>of</strong> meeting the aggressive six-day schedule for this project,<br />
verily??"<br />
The smartly-clad <strong>an</strong>gels looked nervously around for a spokesm<strong>an</strong>. After a<br />
moment, a well-groomed executive <strong>an</strong>gel stepped forward.<br />
"We have, er … hath …, a total commitment to quality delivery <strong>of</strong> <strong>an</strong><br />
effective solution."<br />
"… me<strong>an</strong>ing?"<br />
"Our mission is to achieve total excellence in meeting the timescales for<br />
delivery <strong>of</strong> the project to the defined <strong>an</strong>d agreed scope".<br />
"Quality … excellence ...", harmonised the assembled <strong>IT</strong> <strong>an</strong>gels, upon<br />
hearing this confirmation <strong>of</strong> their mission statement, <strong>an</strong>d rustled their featheredwings<br />
to signal their commitment <strong>an</strong>d solidarity.<br />
"… <strong>an</strong>d we're all clear on the project deliverables?" asked God. "Being more<br />
<strong>of</strong> the instinctive sort <strong>of</strong> executive, I realise I may have been heavy on the<br />
overall project vision … you know 'let there be light', <strong>an</strong>d that sort <strong>of</strong> stuff …<br />
<strong>an</strong>d light on the practicalities. I'm not really a detail person. That's why I<br />
delegate that sort <strong>of</strong> thing to you. I c<strong>an</strong> appreciate that this is really a logistics<br />
<strong>an</strong>d facilities-m<strong>an</strong>agement issue but, we're 5 days in to a 6-day project <strong>an</strong>d<br />
exploding two-headed donkeys at this stage make me rather nervous."
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