The Supreme Doctrine - neo-alchemist

SENSATION AND SENTIMENT
the outer world; but my false emotive reaction can be radically different for it
depends on my ideal vision of myself. It is made up of sentiments that I
cherish, no longer with regard to the outer world but concerning my attitudes
before this outer world. On account of that I can very well be falsely gay (in
my imaginary emotivity) while being at the same time authentically sad in
my authentic emotivity, or the other way round.
For example: I have amused myself, months beforehand, with the
thought of my annual holidays; an image of myself-joyous-at-seeing-
Florence has firmly developed in my mind; if I am 'idealistic', strongly
'egotistical', greedy to 'be absolutely', the realisation of this image becomes
for me the object of a very imperious need. Once I am in Florence, I find
myself very tired and depressed; my authentic state, which mocks at my
vision of myself and only responds to the real circumstance, is contracted; at
bottom I am unhappy. But my desire to see realised the image of myselfjoyous-in-Florence
forbids me to realise that I am unhappy; if anyone asks
me: 'Well, and this holiday?', I reply: 'Splendid; all these museums are a bit
tiring, but what does that matter compared with so much beauty.' If I then
direct my attention to my emotivity with an honest spirit of investigation, I
see the naked truth: I am unhappy, more unhappy than I usually am in the
Underground which takes me to my work; and I see that, without a special
effort, I cannot realise it; or else I realised my sadness but I attached it
illusorily to an imaginary film which was only the effect of it.
Another example: here is a boy who has been tyranised over for years
by an egoistic father; he has been humiliated, interfered with in all his
undertakings, negated by a sadistic education which was by way of being
devoted to his welfare. The father dies. The authentic emotive response of the
son is immense relief. But, if this son is very 'idealistic' he has such a need to
see himself as sad that he arrives at the state despite the facts; and the sadness
of his imaginary film can prevent to a great extent, or even altogether, the
profound relief.
This disaccord between my emotions and my imaginary emotive states
is particularly striking from the following point of view: my ideal image,
absolute, divine, comprises amongst other 'divine' attributes, stability,
immutability; but the Absolute Principle, the fundamental One, from which
everything emanates, is immutable, above time and the alterations of time.
And so one of the essential attributes of the image that I wish to have of
myself consists in evenness of humour, stability of the emotive state. That is
141