The Supreme Doctrine - neo-alchemist

THE COMPENSATIONS
that I see my Principle in the image onto which I have projected myself in an
exclusive identification.
These various compensations can evidently be combined among
themselves. Adoration in particular is combined, more often than not with
loving and being loved, in the sense of affirming and being affirmed, serving
and being served.
Every compensation, or imaginative constellation, constitutes in the
being an element of fixity; but it is a dynamic fixity, like a stereotyped
gesture of which I have the habit and which represents a fixity in my
movement. The fixed compensation tends towards a certain ensemble of
moving, living phenomena. Each compensation is a certain stereotyped form
of living. I must therefore distinguish such compensation—which tends to
make me live in such and such a manner—from the fact that I live, or not, in
that manner; for it may happen that I have in myself such compensation and
that nevertheless I do not live according to it, according to the bargain
towards which it tends. This is clearly seen in neuroses; and the neurotic can
be defined as a being who is badly compensated, incapable of living in
accordance with his compensations. Let us imagine a being in whom exists
the compensation 'loving and being loved', 'participation in the collective life
by an exchange of services'. This being comes up against the wickedness of
the outside world, a mischance unjustly wounds him. If the compensation
were entirely inverted he could live in accordance with it so inverted: his life
could find a sense in hatred and vengeance and he would be compensated in
that way. But often the inversion only partially takes place, in its practical
and not its theoretical aspect; the subject refuses his participation in the
outside world in each particular eventuality, but continues to wish to
participate in general. He would like to hit someone else, to wound him, in a
particular practical action, but he cannot act thus because he persists in
wanting to love, to serve, in general.
One often says that such persons have not found their compensations,
but that is not true because each person always finds his compensations.
These people have found their compensations but they are not able to live in
accordance with them. The neurotic has split, divorced compensations in
which he cannot live. He is paralysed between hatred and love of the same
object. The impossibility of investing his vital energy therein entails a
perturbation of the inner metabolism of his energy. The aggressiveness of the
individual acts against itself; there is distress. This distress, felt up-stream of
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