The Supreme Doctrine - neo-alchemist

THE PRIMORDIAL ERROR
pronounce a judgment the need for which I feel beforehand. The suffering
which my temporal limitation inflicts on me awakens in me a doubt
concerning my 'being', and releases the need of evaluating myself, of judging
myself; and thereafter this need of judging myself releases the process of
constructing an ideal image-criterion that I shall be able to copy, hoping thus
to obtain my absolution. And the suffering experienced within my temporal
limitation was itself the consequence of the profound and implicit belief that I
ought not to be temporarily limited. And this belief itself represents the
erroneous interpretation, projected onto the phenomenal plane, of the
intuition, altogether primordial, unconscious and correct, that 'I am of the
nature of Buddha'. All this inner genesis can be resumed thus: in the original
Unconscious (universal source), I know that I am Buddha; in my
'subconscious' (first personal plane) I pretend to Temporal non-limitation, I
pretend that I should never be denied by a Not-Self; in my consciousness I
painfully doubt my subconscious pretention, I have need to judge myself in
the hope of dissipating my doubt, and I construct an ideal image that I can
copy in order to obtain my absolution.
That is why, when I reach a sufficient degree of understanding to
dissipate all idolatrous images, my need to judge myself is not, itself,
dissipated. It persists because my doubt of myself persists, and this doubt
persists because its profound causes persist. Every personal ideal image on
which a personal training could depend disappears, but the implicit general
image which gave rise to all the personal images persists (the primordial
image that 'I should never be denied') and it continues to control a kind of
training, primordial training which tends to obtain from my horse that he
shall never be denied, that is that he shall triumph always and completely
over the Not-Self.
One can see that my inner situation becomes more serious, in one
sense, in the degree in which my understanding abolishes in me all personal
formal ideals. As long as I had a personal formal ideal I found therein a
refuge which affirmed me; a negation could come to me from the outer world
in the form of a set-back or of some threat of a set-back; I could soften the
blow, compensate it, and even overcompensate it, by imitating my ideal.
There existed for me a 'place' where I could, by my effort, by my control
exercised over myself, procure for myself as much affirmation as I needed in
order to neutralise the negation of the outside world. As my understanding
develops, this comfortable artifice becomes impossible to me. The
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