Suckers - J.A. Konrath

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“Don’t be coy. This could be a way to pay back what you owe me.” She cocked her hips, hot and sexy. “Excuse me? I just saved your ass, McGlade.” “Are you kidding? This is front page news. You’ll probably get a promotion. There’s no need to thank me. It’s all part of the service I perform.” “I really think I hate you.” “Really, Jackie?” I raised an eyebrow. “Really?” She nodded. “Yeah, really. Be in my office tomorrow morning for your statement. And try to stay of trouble until then.” I stood up, stretched, and gave her one of my famous Harry McGlade smiles. “I’ll try. But trouble is my business.” I winked. “And business is good.” 102
THE LOST (FOR A GOOD REASON) ADVENTURE OF ANDREW MAYHEM An Andrew Mayhem Thriller by Jeff Strand Hi. Andrew Mayhem here. I’m about to share a tale with you, and I do so with the best of intentions: shameless promotion. Because I truly want you to buy my books, and I figured that including this dorky little bonus story with your purchase might persuade you to empty your wallet and/or purse for the longer stuff. The challenge with this kind of promotional effort, of course, is that I had to figure out which story I wanted to tell. It had to be something engaging, but yet not too engaging, because Harry McGlade gets whiny when you upstage him. Then Roger, my best friend and handy sidekick, suggested that I share the tale of how he and I met for the first time. And even though Roger is scheduled to meet a ghastly death in book #37, I thought that sounded like a great idea! So let’s turn back the clocks to when I was but a wee lad of age thirteen, where every day was filled with magic and wonder, where butterflies flapped their wings in meadows, and where two best friends joined forces for the first time... * * * "I don’t want to hold the baby." "I don’t want to hold the baby, either." "Well, somebody has to hold the baby." "I know! Let’s let Clumsy Joe hold the baby!" "That’s a great idea! Clumsy Joe can hold the baby!" "Hey, Clumsy Joe! Come over here for a minute!" I walked up to the front of the classroom, which was currently functioning as a theatre stage. "Hi, fellas. What’s going on?" 103
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SUCKERS by J.A. Konrath & Jeff Stra
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CONTENTS Introduction by Joe Konrat
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Suckers is a novella I co-wrote wit
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spillover, and there are some parts
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“Tell me a little about Marcus, M
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I checked my watch. 11:09. I attemp
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“Did you bring the money?” “I
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“Then I turn Julia into a set of
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“I’ll take those Tic-Tacs, too.
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He shook his head, terrified. “Sp
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your girl, or talked behind your ba
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was hard to tell under the jacket,
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"Is it just about the money, though
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—stopping a few inches from my no
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"I think there's one in the fridge.
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Mrs. Garbonzo had never been to a p
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She leaned down to kiss me. Not wan
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“If you stay out in the sun, the
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I considered hitting him again, but
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him and a bullet.” “So what the
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agger.” “A double-bagger?”
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maybe it was a den, and then I woun
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“Sorry. Had to check.” Marietta
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“Hello, Mr. McGlade.” “Happy
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A BIT OF HALLOWEEN MAYHEM An Andrew
Page 52 and 53: "Hi, Roger," I said. My best friend
Page 54 and 55: Jarvis was still there, watching th
Page 56 and 57: "So would running through the Chamb
Page 58 and 59: said hi!" Roger and I got out of th
Page 60 and 61: yourself! Reveal your spectral pres
Page 62 and 63: Roger?" "Not me!" said Becky. "Not
Page 64 and 65: I walked slowly, carefully, making
Page 66 and 67: his knees. "I'm sorry," he said, gi
Page 68 and 69: The police never did find him. And
Page 70 and 71: “It’s my job to know, ma’am.
Page 72 and 73: face too, like Richard Dreyfuss in
Page 74 and 75: Why was I so edgy? Had my subconsci
Page 76 and 77: school actually existed. But it did
Page 78 and 79: seconds. When I finally reached the
Page 80 and 81: and a pair of eyes stared out at me
Page 82 and 83: I tried to pull away, but these mon
Page 84 and 85: how disgustingly horrible it was. I
Page 86 and 87: made my way to the exit before the
Page 88 and 89: card for $260. The card had some te
Page 90 and 91: like a Pepperidge Farm County Style
Page 92 and 93: “No.” I noticed she had some or
Page 94 and 95: air guitar, broke an air string, pu
Page 96 and 97: store. The knots were tight, expert
Page 98 and 99: I go to the cops, and you get put i
Page 100 and 101: Incredibly, he stopped. “What?”
Page 104 and 105: Tim, who was my best friend in Ms.
Page 106 and 107: As we walked home from school, Roge
Page 108 and 109: "Then...I dunno, do something to de
Page 110 and 111: "He’s practicing for a play audit
Page 112 and 113: And then an answer: "Leave me alone
Page 114 and 115: this gentleman is sounding depresse
Page 116 and 117: "No?" Dennis asked. Roger shook his
Page 118 and 119: SUCKERS A Harry McGlade/Andrew Mayh
Page 120 and 121: she's the kind of person who would
Page 122 and 123: "I know she looks different," Phoeb
Page 124 and 125: "Neither do I. So my only alternati
Page 126 and 127: The man aimed his penlight back at
Page 128 and 129: ut this was the first one to take p
Page 130 and 131: starter cord. "You're at least goin
Page 132 and 133: "Honored, huh?" I said, though in m
Page 134 and 135: "Yes," somebody replied. My heart g
Page 136 and 137: let the ladies take what they wante
Page 138 and 139: with lunging fangs got a Moe-style
Page 140 and 141: Andrew "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Hee
Page 142 and 143: giggled with her. I, myself, did no
Page 144 and 145: If life were indeed like a box of c
Page 146 and 147: "I didn’t leave her! I was kidnap
Page 148 and 149: ag off the IV stand, and then plodd
Page 150 and 151: Correction #3: Dan didn't even have
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You know, Ann somebody, the one who
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- 10 - Harry "Keeeyaaaa!" I struck
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—Harrison Harold McGlade, Chicago
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Harry McGlade's stupidity saved his
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INTERVIEW Jeff Strand interviews Jo
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Jeff: Jim Varney is dead, and I’l
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Jeff: What about them? I’m not su
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Jeff: -and we’re out of time for
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Read the Andrew Mayhem series by Je
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Suckers - J.A. Konrath

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