Suckers - J.A. Konrath

a woman’s basketball court, which is the same size as a men’s basketball court, but a woman’s
court has bouncing boobs. I noticed little details like that. Unfortunately, this room didn’t have
bouncing boobs. It had a dozen-plus boneheads in robes, all carrying flashlights, standing around
and chanting something monkish.
I wormed my way into the group and considered the camera in my pocket. Mrs. Drawbridge
had hired me to take pictures of her husband acting nutty. This qualified, but it was too dark to
make out any details, and a flash might cause attention. Plus, these jamokes all had their hoods
on, making positive ID pretty impossible.
I scanned the room, seeing if I could find Tom. I spotted him through my clever detective
technique of looking around, and noticed his bag from the hardware store, still clenched in his
hand. Maybe I could get up close, shove the camera in his face, get a quick snapshot, then run
away.
“Attention, everyone!”
The chanting stopped. One of the wannabe monks had his hands up over his head, his
knuckles brushing the dirt ceiling. Everyone stared at him.
“Let us form the sacred pentagon, and pray to Anubis, god of the dead, to bless the
ceremony this evening. All hail, Anubis!”
“All hail, Anubis!” the monks chanted in reply.
Then we all arranged ourselves in a five-sided square around something in the center of the
room. As I probably should have guessed—but didn’t because I was too busy rubbing my painful
throbbing ass—in the center of the room was a coffin.
The head monk shouted, “Who shall be the first to partake in the carnal pleasures of beyond
the grave?”
I looked around, wondering what idiot would be stupid enough to bone a corpse, then found
myself shoved into the center of the circle.
“My friend will go!”
I spun around, aiming the flashlight. It was old caretaker guy, a big grin creasing his face.
“This first has been chosen!” head monk bellowed. Two other monks—big ones—grabbed
my arms and escorted me to the coffin.
“Guys, I’m new here. I’d sort of prefer to wait until next time before violating any dead
people.”
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