Suckers - J.A. Konrath

giggled with her. I, myself, did not giggle.
I decided that the risk of shattering eighty-three bones was probably worth it.
Another shotgun blast. Much closer than the others.
The door flew open and I got a refreshing glimpse of light as Harry burst into the Pit. He
slammed the door behind him, casting us back into darkness.
"Okay, who's doing the giggling?" he asked.
"Harry, I'm in here with you," I said.
"That you, Maypole?"
I was in the mood to be around pretty much any human being in the world but Harry
McGlade at this point. "Are you trying to be funny when you screw up my name, or are you just
an idiot?"
"Oh, I was talking to some other guy named Maypole. I guess he's not here anymore."
"Idiot."
"Are we in the pit?"
"Yeah."
"Pretty shallow pit."
"I know. How bad are things out there?"
"Oh, things suck out there. Suck bad."
"They suck in here, too."
"Figures. At least we—crap, something's got my leg!"
I could hear a struggle, and then a nice loud thump that sounded an awful lot like an
incompetent private investigator being pulled to the floor by a chained-up carnivorous old lady.
"Get off me, you toothy bitch!"
I rushed forward to help him. If Harry "Obnoxious Prick" McGlade was going to die, I at
least wanted it to be in a room with enough light that I could watch.
The door opened again, and Vlad stepped inside, holding a shotgun. The ladies immediately
released Harry and ran to opposite sides of the room, hiding their faces and cowering.
It's easy to be intimidated by a very large man with a shotgun. It's a bit harder when the large
man is naked and possesses male equipment that, immature as it may be, can only be described
as a wee-wee.
Harry stood up. "You can kill me if you want," he told Vlad, "but then I'll take the secret
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