Suckers - J.A. Konrath

“Ever see Snow White and the Seven Blowjobs?”
“No.”
“Robin Hood, Prince of Anal?”
“I don’t think so.”
“The Empire Strikes Scat?”
“Maybe you should come in. I may have some gases for you to check on.”
I nodded, stepping into his humble abode. It was no surprise he let me in. Fast talking is one
of my special skills. That and being able to swallow pills. If I had a super power, it would be the
ability to swallow a whole handful of pills at once. Big pills too. None of that baby aspirin crap
for babies. I secretly hoped that one day I’d get cancer, and the doctor would prescribe me a lot
of pills, and he’d tell me to space them out throughout the day because there were so many, but
I’d tell him no need to and grab the whole handful and swallow them up right there while he
watched, amazed.
That’s what I was thinking about when Phil hit me in the head with the hammer.
Chapter 13
I awoke from a terrible dream that I was trapped in a coffin with an inhumanly largetesticled
man, to the terrible reality of being tied to a chair in some freak’s basement.
Said freak was standing over me, staring.
“You’re awake,” he said.
“No I’m not.”
I shook my head, which caused a spike of pain. My left eye stung, and I looked down my
nose and saw some dried blood on my cheek. The freak still held the hammer. He waved it in
front of my face in a way I’m sure he thought was menacing, which actually was pretty
menacing.
“Yes you are! And I know what you want! That whore hired you!”
“Which whore? I know a lot of whores.”
He poked me in the chest with the hammer. “She hired you to spy on me! To find out what
secrets I had hidden in my parent’s house! Well, now you’ll be privy to those secrets, Mr. Private
Eye! Because I’m going to show them to you!”
I checked my bonds, noted he had used the same clothesline he’d purchased at the hardware
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