Suckers - J.A. Konrath

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Harry McGlade's stupidity saved his life. And mine. For that, I will be forever in his debt. I spent the rest of the evening being questioned by the police. And so ended my adventure. - The End - * * * Andrew, Just finished reading the manuscript. Did I really say all that shit? Wow. That was some good morphine. I'll have to get the recipe. I know that Chad said to let you finish it up and not make any suggestions, but c'mon, what fun is it to end the story with you being questioned by the police? Look, we faced death together, and all I'm asking is that you forget about logic for a few paragraphs and give this thing a snappy ending. Maybe some Nazi's bust in, and we kick their asses, and then get drunk. Make them girl Nazis, with big cans. Or we could just go with what I originally wrote. Uwe Boll said it was brilliant. At the very least, let's exchange some sort of macho camaraderie Lethal Weapon banter. Maybe you're so grateful I saved your life that you hug me. It might also be funny if your fly was open, and you zipped up real fast and got your nuts caught in your zipper. I know that didn't happen, but man, that would be sweet! Think it over. Your pal, Harry * * * Harry and I walked away from the burning house, our faces lit by the eerie glow. "You're a good man, Mayhem," he said. "You're a..." I winced as the word tried desperately to avoid coming out of my mouth, "...good man, too, McGlade." "Best of luck in the future." "You too." 158
We shook hands. We did not hug. I returned home. Weary, yes. In pain, definitely. But I knew that somehow, in some demented, messed-up way, my encounter with Harry McGlade had made me a better person, and I would never forget the time we'd spent together. All things considered, it was a pretty good evening. Except that I forgot about the fucking spaghetti sauce. 159
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SUCKERS by J.A. Konrath & Jeff Stra
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CONTENTS Introduction by Joe Konrat
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Suckers is a novella I co-wrote wit
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spillover, and there are some parts
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“Tell me a little about Marcus, M
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I checked my watch. 11:09. I attemp
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“Did you bring the money?” “I
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“Then I turn Julia into a set of
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“I’ll take those Tic-Tacs, too.
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He shook his head, terrified. “Sp
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your girl, or talked behind your ba
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was hard to tell under the jacket,
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"Is it just about the money, though
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—stopping a few inches from my no
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"I think there's one in the fridge.
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Mrs. Garbonzo had never been to a p
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She leaned down to kiss me. Not wan
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“If you stay out in the sun, the
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I considered hitting him again, but
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him and a bullet.” “So what the
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agger.” “A double-bagger?”
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maybe it was a den, and then I woun
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“Sorry. Had to check.” Marietta
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“Hello, Mr. McGlade.” “Happy
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A BIT OF HALLOWEEN MAYHEM An Andrew
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"Hi, Roger," I said. My best friend
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Jarvis was still there, watching th
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"So would running through the Chamb
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said hi!" Roger and I got out of th
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yourself! Reveal your spectral pres
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Roger?" "Not me!" said Becky. "Not
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I walked slowly, carefully, making
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his knees. "I'm sorry," he said, gi
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The police never did find him. And
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“It’s my job to know, ma’am.
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face too, like Richard Dreyfuss in
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Why was I so edgy? Had my subconsci
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school actually existed. But it did
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seconds. When I finally reached the
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and a pair of eyes stared out at me
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I tried to pull away, but these mon
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how disgustingly horrible it was. I
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made my way to the exit before the
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card for $260. The card had some te
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like a Pepperidge Farm County Style
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“No.” I noticed she had some or
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air guitar, broke an air string, pu
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store. The knots were tight, expert
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I go to the cops, and you get put i
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Incredibly, he stopped. “What?”
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“Don’t be coy. This could be a
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Tim, who was my best friend in Ms.
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As we walked home from school, Roge
Page 108 and 109: "Then...I dunno, do something to de
Page 110 and 111: "He’s practicing for a play audit
Page 112 and 113: And then an answer: "Leave me alone
Page 114 and 115: this gentleman is sounding depresse
Page 116 and 117: "No?" Dennis asked. Roger shook his
Page 118 and 119: SUCKERS A Harry McGlade/Andrew Mayh
Page 120 and 121: she's the kind of person who would
Page 122 and 123: "I know she looks different," Phoeb
Page 124 and 125: "Neither do I. So my only alternati
Page 126 and 127: The man aimed his penlight back at
Page 128 and 129: ut this was the first one to take p
Page 130 and 131: starter cord. "You're at least goin
Page 132 and 133: "Honored, huh?" I said, though in m
Page 134 and 135: "Yes," somebody replied. My heart g
Page 136 and 137: let the ladies take what they wante
Page 138 and 139: with lunging fangs got a Moe-style
Page 140 and 141: Andrew "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Hee
Page 142 and 143: giggled with her. I, myself, did no
Page 144 and 145: If life were indeed like a box of c
Page 146 and 147: "I didn’t leave her! I was kidnap
Page 148 and 149: ag off the IV stand, and then plodd
Page 150 and 151: Correction #3: Dan didn't even have
Page 152 and 153: You know, Ann somebody, the one who
Page 154 and 155: - 10 - Harry "Keeeyaaaa!" I struck
Page 156 and 157: —Harrison Harold McGlade, Chicago
Page 160 and 161: INTERVIEW Jeff Strand interviews Jo
Page 162 and 163: Jeff: Jim Varney is dead, and I’l
Page 164 and 165: Jeff: What about them? I’m not su
Page 166 and 167: Jeff: -and we’re out of time for
Page 168: Read the Andrew Mayhem series by Je
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Suckers - J.A. Konrath

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