Suckers - J.A. Konrath

“It’s my job to know, ma’am. I’ll need your address, his place of work, and the first three
days’ pay in advance.”
Norma’s face pinched.
“I still love him, Mr. McGlade. But he’s not the same man I married. He’s...obsessed.”
Her shoulders slumped, and the tears came. I nudged over the box of Kleenex I kept on the
desk for when I surfed certain internet sites.
“It’s not your fault, Mrs. Drawbridge.”
“Cauldridge.”
“A man is talking, sweetie. Don’t interrupt.”
“Sorry.”
“The fact is, Nora, some men aren’t meant to marry. They feel trapped, tied down, so they
seek out different venues.”
She sniffled. “Necromancy?”
“I’ve seen all sorts of perversions in my business. One day he’s a good husband. The next
day, he’s a card-carrying necrosexual. Happens all the time.”
More tears. I made a mental note to look up “necromancy” in the dictionary. Then I made
another mental note to buy a dictionary. Then I made a third mental note to buy a pencil, because
I always forgot my mental notes. Then I watched the cheerleaders do high kicks.
When Norma finally calmed down, she asked, “Do you take Visa?”
I nodded, wondering if I could buy used cheerleading floormats on eBay. Preferably ones
with stains.
Chapter 2
Ebay didn’t have any.
Instead I bid on a set of used pom-pons and a coach’s whistle. I also bid on some old Doobie
Brothers records. That led to placing a bid on a record player, since mine was busted. Then I bid
on a carton of copier toner, because it was so cheap, and then I had to bid on a copier because I
didn’t have one. But after thinking about it a bit, I realized I didn’t really need a copier, and those
Doobie Brothers albums were probably available on CD for less than the cost of a record player.
I tried to cancel my bids, but those eBay jerks wouldn’t let me. The jerks.
I buried my anger in online pornography. Three minutes later, I headed out the door, slightly
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