Suckers - J.A. Konrath

with the taurine, the drink apparently contained a full day’s supply of irony.
I stood up and shook out my pants legs.
“Get a grip, McGlade. And stop talking to yourself. You always know what you’re going to
say anyway.”
I took three or ten deep breaths, holstered my weapon, and then set out looking for George.
I had no idea that in just two minutes I was going to die.
Chapter 5
I didn’t actually die. I’m lying to make the story more exciting, because this part is sort of
slow.
It starts to pick up in Chapter 8. Trust me, it’s worth the wait. There’s sodomy.
Chapter 6
It was a fruitless search, but that didn’t matter—I wasn’t looking for fruit. After a few
minutes, I’d found him. He’d given me the slip by cleverly disguising himself as a group of three
bawling women. Closer inspection, and some grab ass, revealed they really were women after
all. I did my “pretend to be blind and deaf” act and stumbled away before any of them called the
police or their lawyers.
Luckily, I caught sight of an undisguised George heading into the mausoleum. I never liked
mausoleums. Burying the dead was bad enough. Putting them in the walls was just begging for
mice to move in. And not the kind of mice who wear red pants and open up amusement parks.
I’m talking about dirty, vicious, baby-face-eating mice, the size of rats.
Actually, I’m talking about rats.
Speaking of non-sequiturs, I really needed to take another leak. The mausoleum was decentsized,
with a few hundred vaults stacked four high. Well lit, temperature controlled, silk plants
next to marble benches every twenty feet. It was the kind of place that would have a bathroom, I
thought, while pissing on one of the silk plants. The pot it was in wasn’t any realer than the plant,
because all of my piss leaked out the bottom. I stepped over the puddle and commenced the
search.
One of the techniques they teach you in private eye school is how to conduct a search, I bet.
I have no idea, because I didn’t go to private eye school. I wasn’t even sure that private eye
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