Suckers - J.A. Konrath

store. The knots were tight, expert. My legs were bound as well, tied to the steel chair legs of the
steel chair, which was made of steel. The basement was unfurnished, concrete floor, I-beams and
joists exposed in the ceiling, menacing curtains sectioning off the area we were in.
“Got any aspirin?” I asked. “Some asshole hit me with a hammer.”
“Silence!”
“And can you please stop shouting? I’m right here. It’s not like I’m in another part of the
house and you’re calling me for dinner.”
The freak chuckled, the nostrils on his large nose flaring out.
“Oh, funny you should mention dinner. Because the main course...” He cackled.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“The main course...” More cackling.
“What’s the main course, Emeril?”
“The... main course... is...” Hysterical laughter now.
I interrupted him. “I got it. The main course is me. You’re going to eat me. Scary. What a
scary guy you are.”
“Not me, Mr. McGlade. You’re going to be a snack,” cackle cackle, “for my... zombie
wife!”
I waited for the giggles to die down before I said, “Dude, your wife isn’t a zombie.”
“Yes she is.”
“She’s not even dead. I just saw her like an hour ago.”
“Not that hag. I mean my first wife. The love of my life, tragically taken from me after only
one year of marriage.”
“So what about that ugly chick back at your house?”
“Her? I married her for the money.”
I smiled. “Thank god. I thought you were totally nuts there for a minute.”
“No kidding. She’s a real heifer, isn’t she?”
“I said in the first chapter that it was like God took a dare to make the most unattractive
woman possible.”
“Yes, that’s Norma.”
“Who?”
“My second wife! But now it’s time for you to meet my first wife! And to feed her! Do you
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