Suckers - J.A. Konrath

know what a necromancer is, Mr. McGlade?”
I shrugged. Not an easy task when tied up. “I meant to look it up.”
“It’s someone who has the power to raise the dead. Since Roberta died...”
“Who?”
“My first wife.”
“This is a lot of names to keep straight. Can you write them down on a sticky pad for me?”
He didn’t take the bait. I’d hoped he would have gone off in search of a sticky pad, which
would have given my time to scoot my chair over to the menacing curtains hanging from the
ceiling and hide behind them. He’d never think to look for me there, and would probably go
watch TV or something.
But he was too smart to be tricked.
“Since Roberta died, I’ve been searching for a way to bring her back. Now, through a
combination of magic and science—something I call sci-magic—I have finally gained mastery
over death! Behold, Mr. McGlade, the living dead!”
He cast aside the menacing curtain. Hanging from the ceiling was a dead body.
“Is that her?” I asked.
“That, indeed, is Roberta, my Zombie Wife!”
He spread out his hands, as if waiting for applause. Even if I wasn’t tied up, I wouldn’t have
applauded.
“That’s not a zombie,” I said. “That’s a dead chick hanging on a rope.”
“Really, Mr. McGlade? Really?”
“Yeah. Really.”
“Well, watch this then.” He turned to face the corpse. “Roberta, my love, come to me!”
Phil grabbed an overhead rope, and Roberta swung forward using a system of weights and
pulleys. He made her wave at me.
“You’re butt nuts,” I said.
“She lives, Mr. McGlade! And she thirsts for your flesh! For nothing else can quell the
hunger of the living dead! Isn’t that right, Roberta?”
He tugged another rope, and she nodded. Actually, it was more of a sideways flop then a
nod.
“Look, buddy, this has all been tremendously entertaining, but what do you say we untie me,
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