Suckers - J.A. Konrath

"I think this leads outside," said someone, possibly me, possibly Andy, possibly the large
walrus in the clown hat who I had named George.
I loved George.
Andrew opened the door, and standing there were two police officers, and I was 96% sure
there weren’t a hallucination.
"Thank God," Andrew Mayhem said. "We’ve been held prisoner in a house full of
psychopaths who think they're vampires."
"And there was a bunny," I added.
Then the cop on the left grinned, and I felt very confused because it looked like he had really
sharp fangs.
- 9 -
Andrew
Stop.
When Harry and I agreed to relate the unpleasant tale of our unfortunate adventure together,
we set some ground rules. First, and most important, was that I would not write in the same room
as him. I think we can all agree that this was fair and just. If fewer people spent time in rooms
with Harry McGlade, the world would be a much happier place.
Second, we agreed not to debate each other's contributions to the narrative. So though
Harry's side of the story has certain...ah, lapses in accuracy, I let them go. He mostly got the big
picture right, if not the details.
I was cool with this until I read his last section, where we suddenly have a completely
fabricated conversation that makes me look like an insensitive idiot. I'm not going to lie to you,
I've been an insensitive idiot on many an occasion, but when a guy is chained up in the basement
with his intestines slopping out onto the floor, even at my most insensitive and most idiotic I
would not try to cheer him up with news that his wife is shacking up with a biker dude.
Correction #1: My neighbor's name was not Horace Folterkeller. It was Dan Smith.
Correction #2: I did not say "You probably don’t want to hear about the new man she
brought home, then." She did not bring home a new man. Dan's wife was absolutely devastated
by the situation.
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