Speaking to One Another - The International Raoul Wallenberg ...

ut he was of Armenian ancestry... (pauses for three seconds). ... I won’t tell his name, let him be, say,Ahmed. He had an Armenian name for local use, say, Mhair. So, I had to get off in Mush. So I went, tookmy bus. It was dark already, I took the bus, sat there... so naturally, they asked, “who are you”? I said, “Iam Armenian”; - “where do you go?” “I go to our home”...HKh – You said, “to our house?”VT – They... easily understand and grasp this. They asked, “what for?”HKh – What language did you speak?VT – Well, I, a little... my English is very poor, but we spoke English... There was someone...helping us understandeach other., That (silence)... yes, later I understood this... they thought that I came for my gold,it was their first reaction. Now, they wanted to ask me whether I came to take gold, or not... So they wereshowing me the stone hammer, showing that you are going to dig, to dig... Someone showed me somegold hanging on her neck... So I asked this English-speaking one “what are they asking”, he wouldn’t tellme. He wouldn’t tell me that they awere asking about gold. One of the boys was from Bitlis, when helearnedthat I was getting out in Mush to go to Motki from there, he said: “Do not get out in Mush, letus go to Bitlis, I will... you will certainly have no problems, I will provide everything for you”. As far as Icould understand it, he was Kurdish, a young boy... “No, I said, I need to get out in Mush”. I... It was alreadymorning, the day was breaking – it was in August – almost at four. By five it was light, we passedthrough the entire West Armenia, and we went through it in light, that is... We went through Arabkir...and everywhere, the whole chain, we went the chain – Bingyol, lakes, rivers, we went over them... I hada photo camera and a video camera with myself... I was feeling very depressed, very stressed, so that...(pause for two seconds) I couldn’t shoot... I was feeling much stressed, very stressed... I knew that I wasgoing to come here, to come back, and everyone was going to ask, they would like to see it. But I didn’ttake out the video camera, nor the photo camera... that is a terribly beautiful place... very beautiful. Weentered the Moush valley. Entered the Moush valley, I took out the photo camera to make some shots,but I couldn’t. I was feeling very bad... I was very depressed... Maybe it was the burden of our losses, orwhatever, why... I don’t know. I couldn’t make pictures. At last, for about one hour, the car – it was a GermanMercedes bus – it was going? at the speed of 100-120km/h, with that speed. For about one hour wewere going through the Moush valley (pauses)... finally, we came to Mush, I got out, and the bus went.The bus went away, so I am on my own at the center of the street, there was some package in my hands– my suitcase and... there is no one around. My feelings... what happens to a person who, probably... Iheard a lot what the elders told when I was a kid. They used to gather in our house, in our neighbor’shouse, telling their stories, what happened to them... that probably... this was somehow pressing on meand I couldn’t understand what was going on. At one moment I felt how... I am putting my hand on theground, asking – Am I really in the city of Mush, or this is a dream? ... I was touching the walls... Andthen I thought, maybe I am getting crazy... but I was alone. That Mhair was to be there, but he wasn’t. Hehadn’t come yet. I remember that, it seems, I sat somewhere but I wanted... wanted to convince myself156