Speaking to One Another - The International Raoul Wallenberg ...

[Turk. wife]”. In the morning I took a bus and left. I was going to come from the Ani side. I was going toenter Ani, Erzurum... The bus was going to Erzurum. We came, reached that bridge; it was to turn there,so I stopped the bus and got out. I told [to myself], “let him go to Erzurum, I will get a cab here, will go toKars. Will go to Kars, and then to Ardahan”. So I took a cab, reached Kars. I had many plans in Kars – [tovisit] Berd, Arakelots, there are lots of things in Kars. I did absolutely nothing, I found a car, a cab, toldhim “take me to Ardahan”... I wasn’t able to do anything... at all...I wanted to go home; I only wanted togo home. I don’t know why, I only wanted to get to my house... I spent the night in Ardahan, in the morningI came to ... Akhalckha, Akhalkalak, and from there I came to Yerevan (a long pause...).I came here; I did not go to the village – Shgharshik – yet. But I had to go. I knew that everyone was waitingfor me. I had to go and tell them. Show them. I didn’t go, I don’t know why, I didn’t go. In a couple ofdays my elder brother came, asking “where are you, why didn’t you come?” So, we gathered our familiesand went to the village. Our procurements with us, all that we had, we went to the village. That water– naturally, I gave everyone this much (shows) – little-by-little, so that everyone gets a share). Onething impressed me very much in the village – in our village here, in Shgharshik. Well, they came, immediatelythey filled our house. I was telling them the story, when I showed them the soil – “this is oursoil, a stone that I brought from our village” – there was a guy, by that time he was probably forty –someforty or fifty, he is already dead now... but, as soon as he saw the soil, immediately he took a pinch andput it in his mouth. I will never forget this, he took a pinch like this, and put it in his mouth... that soil,I distributed it among everyone...almost everyone, as much as I could, so that they could take it to theirgraves; the water, everybode who came drank it, then... Something interesting happened. ... There, beforecoming back , as soon as I went to bed or dozed somewhere, my father was appearing in my dreamimmediately, always, always, all the time. In all my night dreams my father was there. But, as soon aswe took this soil, scattered it on his grave, when we performed that ceremony there, burned the incensethat was brought from there on my father’s grave and my brother’s grave... After this, I stopped seeingmy father in my dream. There was also another thing... again, from this sentimental domain. On ourway from Ankara to “Ergir”, to our home, I used to take a nap during the night. So once , I had a dream,like I was descending somewhere, then suddenly a large red bull attacked me. This was a huge red bull,it attacked me, and it simply raised me from the ground... The only thing I was thinking about ... I saidwell, I will hold its horns so that he doesn’t push me, doesn’t break my chest, everything else doesn’tmatter. So I was resisting, holding its horns like this and trying to resist. This lasted a pretty while ... Sothe bull seemed getting tired. It couldn’t gain the upper hand over me, so I said ... well, this thing, thisbull, it is unable to... so it is my turn now... So I applied some force, turned the bull upside down, it fell.Yes, it fell, and I stood up on my feet, then I saw that my father was standing nearby, watching, with hishands behind his back, he was watching, standing over there. I told him “father, the bull was about tokill me, and you did nothing to help me. My father didn’t reply, he turned away, his hands still behindhis back; slowly... slowly he went away. Then I woke up... it was a dream.165