Preparing for the Miraculous

158 eleven talksWhat I felt then was not something I know how to describe.It wasn’t just sadness, or disappointment – it was a longfeeling of loss ... To this day I think that I felt things in thosehours which the man I know myself to be cannot feel, orsee, or say. I tell you one thing: I’ve never been afraid ofdeath since. I’m certain it will be wonderful.’”Then why hadn’t he written all this in his memoirs?Speer’s answer: “Well, I was supposed to be that super-rationalman, you know, writing a definitive book on this terriblehistory of our time. What do you think readers wouldhave said if in the middle of that book I had suddenly writtenthat I am sure, sure to this day, that I died that nightand came back to life? Can you imagine the fun the criticswould have had with that?” 7This extraordinary testimony, the authenticity ofwhich is beyond doubt, not only confirms the reality of thenear-death experiences, it also raises several interestingquestions. For Albert Speer was without any doubt a warcriminal responsible for the suffering and death of manythousands of slave workers, and he was as responsible forthe slaughter on the battlefields as were Göring (who committedsuicide) and the Nazi heads executed at Nuremberg.Although he escaped the gallows by convincing his interrogatorsthat he was a decent man and denouncing his Nazicronies, most historians today agree that his twenty yearsof imprisonment, in comparison with the other sentences,was too lenient.Then why was such a person sent back, obviously by adirect decision of the Highest Authority, at the crucial periodof the war when he was irreplaceable in his ministerialposition, and when his leadership contributed directlyto the prolongation of the fighting and the cruel death of7 Gitta Sereny: Albert Speer: His Battle with Truth, pp. 416-417.