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30. Last week I went to pay my respects to Dominee Ritzema and his family, and<br />
hope not in vain. Though some coolness at first appeared, for what reason I know<br />
not, probably on account <strong>of</strong> former disappointments with respect to New York, yet<br />
our conversation was friendly and edifying. May our hearts be sincere, and love<br />
unfeigned, and we become more and more prepared for that awful account, which<br />
we must shortly render <strong>of</strong> our ministry and trust. I tremble at the thought when I<br />
reflect upon my indolence and inactivity compared to what others have done and<br />
are still doing, even in old age. Poor me, with a body <strong>of</strong> sin and death, burdened<br />
and full <strong>of</strong> pains. Oh, may my sins be forgiven, and strength given to bear the<br />
Cross, every cross which the Lord lays and brings upon me. Blessed be God, I am<br />
still alive and hope to persevere unto the end. O, may the Father <strong>of</strong> mercies<br />
pardon backslidings, and restore former grace, more wisdom, prudence,<br />
confidence and patience, at home and abroad. I lament my daily follies and am<br />
sorry on account <strong>of</strong> my sinful weaknesses, but hope yet to recover and become<br />
stronger for the cause and interest <strong>of</strong> my Lord, who has called me, I humbly trust,<br />
and supports and promises never to leave, and o, my soul, why art Thou cast down<br />
at every adversity! Is not Thy Savior mighty, merciful, willing, and ready to<br />
deliver and to save out <strong>of</strong> all troubles? I desire to submit. Oh, may pains be<br />
sanctified, and my rebellious, proud spirit be subdued and brought to patient<br />
submission and waiting on the Lord. My times, my life, my labors are in His<br />
hand. O, Father, pity, pardon, direct, and strengthen, and may I still live to serve<br />
and worship and glorify Thee on Earth, wherever I am. Be Thou with me, blessed<br />
Jesus. Assist, comfort, and give repentance unto life, with faith, love, peace and<br />
joy in believing. Amen.<br />
February ’87<br />
6. This day I received a letter from Mr. Bunschoten, 275 informing me <strong>of</strong> his<br />
success in the gospel, for which I desire to be thankful, and in the evening several<br />
letters from Dr. Livingston. I am glad to find that friends prove to be prudent, and<br />
also faithful to former engagements. May the Lord pardon other deficiencies and<br />
bends. His name be glorified and His Kingdom come, with power to many<br />
precious souls. Oh, may I be more self-denied and resigned, patiently waiting<br />
upon the Lord, who will pity, care, and provide for His servants’ rest, ease, and<br />
peace. May former strength be restored, and former zeal for religious duties and<br />
enjoyments and truth be spread and preserved, and now, Father <strong>of</strong> mercies, be<br />
Thou my merciful and compassionate Father in Christ. Pardon my imprudences,<br />
and teach me to act consistently, with character, station and duty! I desire to<br />
consult men, but look unto Thee for wisdom, direction, and success. Oh, may Thy<br />
cause and Kingdom prosper and flourish throughout the land and within this city.<br />
May my people be unanimous and fervent in Thy worship and service, and the<br />
rising generation be brought up to Thy glory. Incline our hearts to such means<br />
and measures as Thou wilst approve, and bless and crown our weak endeavors and<br />
feeble attempts with success to Thy Church. May strength be given equal to my<br />
day and duty, and family and friends be remembered in mercy, through our<br />
275<br />
Dominee Elias Van Bunschooten (1738-1815). Officiated at Westerlo’s wedding in 1775. Since<br />
1785 in Minisink and Mahakemack, NJ, and Walpack, PA.<br />
116
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