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and restoring mercy and grace. Oh, may the Father <strong>of</strong> mercy pity His afflicted<br />
ones, and sanctify His dealings to my sinful soul. I feel I have deserved nothing<br />
but indignation, by ingratitude, unbelief, impatience, murmuring, and even vanity<br />
<strong>of</strong> mind and conversation. Oh, how much peace and comfort is lost. May it please<br />
infinite love and goodness to return in mercy to me, a sinful apostate from the<br />
Lord, and I be restored to sanctifying grace. May the Lord Jesus become more<br />
and more precious, and I more than conqueror through His Spirit and grace. Fain<br />
would I be found doing something for His glory, Church, and people, but I am<br />
weak and less than nothing. Oh, may a new supply <strong>of</strong> spirits be given and we<br />
revive. Whenever I am abroad, I find my deceitful heart has gone astray from the<br />
Lord. Oh, may my present sickness and infirmity prove a happy means to bring<br />
me back to the Savior <strong>of</strong> my body and soul. In vain are all men and means<br />
without His blessing and saving mercy. O, blessed Jesus, unto Thee and Thy<br />
name be the desire <strong>of</strong> my soul, my inmost soul, and be Thou my life, strength, and<br />
shield and great reward. Bring me to Thy House and service, and cause me to<br />
rejoice in Thy Communion. Against all the assaults and insults <strong>of</strong> Earth and Hell<br />
and <strong>of</strong> my own unbelief, I desire, Lord, to be Thine, and to live to Thy glory<br />
forever. Amen.<br />
June ’89<br />
4. Blessed be the God <strong>of</strong> all consolations! I am still the living monument <strong>of</strong> His<br />
mercy! Last Lord’s Day I was strengthened to preach, though by fever and pain<br />
prevented from catechizing and obliged to try the asafetida 531 in pills! The first<br />
night I was easy, but in the morning sick and full <strong>of</strong> flatulences again when in<br />
church. I have been, since that time, much in pains and distress <strong>of</strong> mind and body,<br />
and oh, may the Father <strong>of</strong> mercies pity me once more and prepare and strengthen<br />
poor, unworthy me for the service <strong>of</strong> His Sanctuary; Lord Jesus, be Thou my<br />
gracious advocate and preserve me from murmuring and despair. O, remember<br />
mercy and strengthen me or remove or alleviate this present affliction. Pardon<br />
sinful complaints but, if possible, Lord, restore ease and peace to my bowels, and<br />
may Thy Spirit lead and comfort me and all Thy people. Lord! I am Thine, save<br />
and deliver me, and carry me safely through. Keep me back from presumptuous<br />
sins, and cause me to submit cheerfully to all Thy will, and to hope and to trust in<br />
Thee, all my life, strength, support, and the author and finisher <strong>of</strong> faith and<br />
everlasting salvation. Amen. Amen.<br />
8. Blessed be the Father <strong>of</strong> all mercy, strength, and grace, for His particular<br />
assistance <strong>of</strong> yesterday when called to administer the Holy Sacrament. In the<br />
morning I felt much better and easier than for many days past, and the Lord<br />
strengthened me out <strong>of</strong> pain and weakness to preach from Psalm 42.11, 532 to my<br />
own comfort and refreshment, and though much spent when reading the form, yet<br />
strength was restored at the <strong>Table</strong> <strong>of</strong> the Lord, and I enabled, through mercy and<br />
grace, to perform the work in parts, and even to catechize in the evening. I desire<br />
to bless the Lord for this new instance <strong>of</strong> mercy, and humbly pray to forgive all<br />
531<br />
See entry on March 12.<br />
532<br />
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I<br />
shall again praise him, my help and my God.<br />
200
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