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272 SNAKES IN SUITS
4. Understand Your Own Utility to Psychopaths
The most common types of utility attractive to psychopaths relate to
money, power, fame, and sex, but in organizational life, this list
grows to include access to information, communication, influence,
authority, and so forth. Psychopaths target not only executives and
celebrities, but others with more subtle value (such as informal power
and influence), as well.
It can be difficult to appreciate what your worth might be to a
psychopath, in part because society often requires us to play down
our assets. A realistic assessment, however, supported by information
and feedback from friends, family, and professional colleagues, can
help you clarify your strengths and value to others.
Psychopaths use impression management to get you to share
your assets with them. They may prey on your generosity, trusting
nature, or sense of charity. They may cause you to take pity on them,
if that feeling gets you to help them in some way or gets you to use
your influence with others who could help them fulfill their needs.
The difficulty lies in separating those in real need, whom you should
help, from those who rely on psychopathic manipulation to get you
to do so.
A good defense is to routinely apply some critical thinking and
common sense to social interactions, particularly those that involve
people you do not know well. We all like to be complimented, but
there is a difference between harmless social stroking and oily flattery
designed to ingratiate and manipulate. The problem is that we don’t
always notice the difference, particularly if we do not have a realistic
picture of who we are, and if we are dealing with a psychopath
skilled in painting the sort of picture we would like to see. Excessive
or incongruous compliments and flattery should be a signal for you
to pay critical attention to what is coming next. Ask yourself, “What
does this person really want of me?”