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76 SNAKES IN SUITS
self, both positive and negative, that we like to keep private. We rarely
want to share parts of our private self with business associates and
acquaintances; we reserve this for close friends and serious relationships.
However, as a motivated student of human nature, the psychopath,
on meeting us for the first time, can often surmise some of
the issues or concerns that exist in our private self. Using this information,
the psychopath crafts a simulated persona—a mask—that
mirrors or complements these characteristics. Subtly, through clever
banter, the psychopath begins to share bits of personal information,
seemingly letting down his or her guard with us. These conversations
resonate with you because someone is sharing personal details that
reflect values, beliefs, and issues similar to your own. The psychopath’s
second message is I am just like you.
Meeting someone who shares the same values, beliefs, and life
experiences is not very common, so it is wonderful when it does occur.
It is easy to open up to someone like this, and soon we are sharing
more and more of our inner thoughts and feelings. To our great
pleasure, we want to believe that this person understands us at a
much deeper level than anyone else we have met. Having parts of
your private self understood and accepted by someone means you
can relax, let down your guard, and begin to trust that this person is
different—he or she may like you for who you really are, behind your
own mask or persona. Happily and with relief, you conclude that the
psychopath will not pose a psychological threat; in effect, the psychopath’s
third message is: Your secrets are safe with me. Safety or security
is one of our most basic psychophysical needs; the psychopath
willingly fulfills this need.
Giving Them What They Want
Like many writers, John Steinbeck understood the ways in
which psychopaths—in this case, a female—can use sex-role
tools. This excerpt is drawn from his description of Cathy Ames,