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284 SNAKES IN SUITS
10. Try to Deal with Self-Doubt and Denial
The opportunistic, deceptive, and manipulative behaviors of psychopaths
can be as bewildering to the victims as they are devastating.
Many victims become racked with self-doubt, blaming themselves
for whatever has happened. Others deny that there is any problem at
all. In each case, doubts and concerns about the psychopaths in their
lives are converted into doubts about themselves. The problem is
greatly exacerbated when a victim cannot convince others, including
family and friends, that someone else is the cause of the problem.
“Everyone thought that I was the problem” is a common refrain of
those who have dealt with a psychopath.
If you are lucky, others may see things for what they are. In an
organizational setting, these can be coworkers with no utility to the
psychopath, former victims, or the organizational police (see chapter
6) who are sensitized to the possibility of manipulation and deceit.
In one’s personal life, these can be family members and friends.
Unfortunately, it is very difficult to convince someone in the
grips of a psychopathic bond that they have missed something or do
not have a complete picture of what is going on. Even when data are
presented to these victims (perhaps a suspicious motel receipt or a
mysterious charge on a personal credit card), they exhibit denial.
Like the psychopath, they may blame others for falsifying the information,
they may slough it off as a misunderstanding, or they may
even conclude that it is nobody else’s business because of the degree
of trust they put in the psychopath.
It is very difficult to help someone consumed with self-doubt
and denial. The best that family, friends, and coworkers can do is to
help the victims get the assistance they need either through referrals
to an employee assistance program or other trained mental health
professionals. At the same time, concerned observers should be alert
to the possibility of continued or escalating abuse at the hands of the
psychopath.