Brianna Wiest - The Mountain Is You_ Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery (2020)

106 BRIANNA WIEST
What happens when we start to chase what we really
want: We resist doing the work that it takes to actually
get it because we are so afraid of not having it, any brush
with failure makes us rescind our effort and tense up.
When we go so long not having what we really want, we
create subconscious associations between having it and
“being bad,” because we have judged others for having it.
When we get it, we fear losing it so badly that we push it
away from ourselves so as to not have to withstand the pain.
We are so deeply enmeshed in the mental state of “wanting,”
we cannot shift to a state of “having.”
First, when we want something really, really badly, it is
often because we have unrealistic expectations associated
with it. We imagine that it will change our lives in some
formidable way, and often, that’s not the case.
When we are relying on some goal or life change to “save”
us in some unrealistic way, any incident of failure will trigger
us to stop trying. For example: If we are absolutely
certain that a romantic partner will help us stop being
depressed, we are going to be extremely sensitive to rejection,
because it makes us feel as though we will never get
over depression.
Of course, the obvious issue here is that dating is a process
of trial and error. You have to fail first to succeed.