volume one IN THE D U D L E Y C L A R K - Ohio Vine Tours

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He set about gathering firewood and built a pyre near the buck as it rocked gently to-and-fro. He used one of the newfangled red phosphorus matches to ignite the tinder, sending up a thin, gray fuse into the sky. Next, he piled on deadwood and watched with satisfaction as the flames cracked and popped and danced in the bright day. He wiped off the sticky blood, rubbing his hands along the buck’s still-warm flanks, before returning to his roan. Flipping up a stirrup, he uncinched the saddle and slid it off her back. She flared her nostrils and bobbed her head once or twice. Then the Old Cowboy carried saddle and blanket to a spot in the tree’s scanty shade. He lit a cigarette and stared at the horizon. Sometimes, weeks passed without saying a word. His life was quiet, quiet as his mind. The basic steps of life—eating and drinking, then eating again—occupied a large portion of his day, while his night was spent in sleep. Seasons passed—city people called them years—but a cowboy notices the passage differently. He saw the small things, like the bushiness of a fox squirrel’s tail, or the speed with which a cricket played its song. The winter would come again, harsh and indifferent to human need or suffering, and then the spring and then the fall, just as sure as war and hunger. These things seemed warranted by God. Like death. Not time for much else. Except a drink or a smoke. The cigarette burned down to his fingers and he tossed it into the fire. Thinking of a drink made him wish he had one. Or two. He stared into the fire as it ate its way through the wood. After a while, when it became a hot, incandescent heap of charcoal, he would construct a latticework of sticks about two feet above the embers. On that he would lay strips of meat to jerk. Much of the carcass would be sacrificed to the carrion birds already lazing in wide circles, holding council overhead. Such was the way of the world. The Old Cowboy closed his eyes against the blazing sky and tipped his black hat far forward so its leather sweatband rested on the bridge of his nose. He would sleep for a while, half awake, always on guard, body tensed and ready to spring; sleep a dreamless sleep as if still in the saddle, still on the trail. ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY
“TWO SHORT SKINNY mochas—shock one!” Suzie Quattro’s smoky stylings—assisted by electrons shed by a brace of new double-A alkalines—purls inside Roy’s ears and causes him to smile. He tries to comprehend the complex hieroglyphics that chock the Starbuck’s menu. There are words up there he can’t pronounce. Words like Yergacheffe and Sidamo and Sulawesi. He supposes they want him to ask what they mean, maybe even how to say them, but if that’s their plan then they’re going to be mighty disappointed. The plastic Safeway bag is heavy in his hand, weighted as it is now with the burden of a foil-wrapped lasagna. Dozens of people mill about the store, nose the pricey wares on fancy glass shelves; those who mill too close to Roy unavoidably listen to Suzie and how she wails. Then there are all the kinds of drinks he’s never tried before, like: Caffé Freddo; Caffé Lungo; Caffé Macchiato; Caffé Ristretto; Latte Puné; Mochaccino; Caffé Con Panna—where do they get all these names? Why can’t they just sell coffee? All that Roy knows about coffee can be summed up thus: it comes from coffee trees in South America, and is harvested by a mustached dude named Juan who has a pet donkey and wears a blanket over his shoulder like Clint Eastwood did in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. The only coffee drink Roy knows how to ask for is a doubletall Americano. “A Medici tall, kill the lemon—no whip!” And the reason he knows how to ask for this particular drink, a double-tall Americano, is because that’s the drink J.J. always ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY
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volume one ROY ROGERS IN THE TWENTY
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What readers are saying... “Defin
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THE DEDICATION For her forbearance
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THE OPENING QUOTATION I’ve labore
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THE RED FOR RENT sign stops him dea
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The Old Cowboy didn’t know the na
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ROY’S KNUCKLES TAP gently upon th
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duties of her office demand, or the
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The Old Cowboy could rest now. His
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ROY DROPS HIS DUFFLE, and causes hi
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For, Roy is a window washer. He cou
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watched them hanging there, what a
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RAIN PELTS the windowpanes. Tears f
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ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY 1
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The Old Cowboy rose before the sun,
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BLUE, BLUE SKY. White, white clouds
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cry. His ears fill with Rick’s ca
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A WATERY BLUE, BLEARY blue, bleary
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approach of footsteps, or the slam
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two letters. They appear to have be
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ROY LOVES HIS MUSIC. It is the sust
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WAILING WALL is a downtown music st
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to the right of his navel, and bene
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man’s Frank Zappa mustache before
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“You make me come after your hair
Page 57 and 58: There were times when the Old Cowbo
Page 59 and 60: GEORGETOWN WAS NOT always hemmed in
Page 61 and 62: ackfired and Georgetown became even
Page 63 and 64: THE SONY TAPE PLAYER attached to Ro
Page 65 and 66: fans. Maybe, this being his later l
Page 67 and 68: A prime number, and one he’s happ
Page 69 and 70: BLUE LIGHT FROM a cloud-eclipsed mo
Page 71 and 72: GROGGY, GRAY, GROANING Roy rises fr
Page 73 and 74: feathered nether regions of their a
Page 75 and 76: FOR ROY, moving into the Outside Wo
Page 77 and 78: Roy may well be the perfected incar
Page 79 and 80: Crouched on an outcrop of granite,
Page 81 and 82: ROY’S PLAN IS SIMPLE, almost of n
Page 83 and 84: Especially Rick the Asshole, and so
Page 85 and 86: sense. And that doesn’t happen a
Page 87 and 88: He pulls the cord and stands up. Ro
Page 89 and 90: underwear. It’s a regular place f
Page 91 and 92: asement. Ammonia fumes from years a
Page 93 and 94: Her big eyes shimmer. “Sh. He mig
Page 95 and 96: “S-Sure.” “Will that be all f
Page 97 and 98: He’s already bought the groceries
Page 99 and 100: The living room is swell. Real neat
Page 101 and 102: Mel pouts. “Hey, you’re not Bra
Page 103 and 104: Meanwhile, far across the kitchen,
Page 105 and 106: ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY 1
Page 107: The Old Cowboy rode down the bluff,
Page 111 and 112: These two men—from such polarized
Page 113 and 114: This has never happened before. Roy
Page 115 and 116: also has a head of frothy, brown cu
Page 117 and 118: outstretched hand. She has had enou
Page 119 and 120: MIST PREVAILS in Seattle throughout
Page 121 and 122: thumpthumpthump Not far from the he
Page 123 and 124: when they see one, so that should b
Page 125 and 126: ROY’S EYES POP OPEN. He had been
Page 127 and 128: The man inside 28/RR took the bait!
Page 129 and 130: accordance with the Lavese Las Mano
Page 131 and 132: The Old Cowboy looked down on the t
Page 133 and 134: ROY STANDS BEFORE 28/RR, right hand
Page 135 and 136: Doughy clouds thicken with light. M
Page 137 and 138: And here’s how it happened… FLA
Page 139 and 140: him and it uses his name. He places
Page 141 and 142: stair are more likely to become fri
Page 143 and 144: The guy turns and glares. And, for
Page 145 and 146: something that vaguely haunts him f
Page 147 and 148: the song had sounded so much nicer
Page 149 and 150: notice what everyone else on the si
Page 151 and 152: A tumbleweed tumbles weedily. Off i
Page 153 and 154: taught to do this at the secret Bar
Page 155 and 156: promises that one day they, too, sh
Page 157 and 158: Roy’s decision to go home may see
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“CLICK” Roy Stands before 28/RR
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Does Roy lower his hand and slink a
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The strawberry roan nodded and snor
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THE OCCUPANT OF 2 /RR, bless him, m
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his shoulders. It seems like a coup
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Best not to annoy the bald dude. Mi
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He takes a breath, licks his lips a
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fisherman trying to land a fish too
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ROY’S BRAIN has a remarkable memo
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the Odd Duck Club, a short-lived mu
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general public, they almost made it
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hosed it all away, washed it down h
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o-lay-dee-o-day-lay-de-o-day-lay-de
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The Old Cowboy wrapped the reins on
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The other hands at the bar returned
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“I dint come in here for no troub
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WHEN DAWN COMES to the quartzite sk
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into Lake Washington. They get shot
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Old Guy backs up a bit—his gun ne
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Finally, besides blinking, Roy can
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Like a piece of origami, Old Guy’
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Young Guy nods. “Yeah, sure.” O
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Old Guy keeps on smiling. He stands
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The stuff Old Guy’s offering isn
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“Yodel yodel yeah hee ay.” Did
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Roy leans forward, elbows on knees.
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ROY MAKES it. Afterwards, he makes
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He squares his shoulders. He opens
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Mel flutters and flutes. “He not
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The Old Cowboy dropped his scarred
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darkness, his mother and brother wo
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ROY WORRIES the loose change in his
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to leotards, from hair spiked to ha
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And leads him to a far-off, seldom
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ecause he buys a CD player. It’s
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It’s too late to turn tail now. H
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Roy moistens his lips. The image of
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“You won’t regret it.” Roy pr
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“With tax, it comes to $188.97.
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“What’s this so-called friend
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Rick closes the blade and chuckles.
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Her name was Mathilde Oliphante Dou
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Since this was principally cattle c
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“GO ON, ROY—DRAW!” Roy finds
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He tries to focus on Pete’s gun h
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“Let’s try somethin’ differen
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Pete rewinds the movie. “First—
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It is what o’time in the whenever
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Pete nudges. Holds out the joint. S
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did. With the exception, of course,
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At thirteen, he stood tall and broa
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she knew was she needed her loved o
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“RAOUL WALSH is where we’ll sta
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theatre was about to invest in 70mm
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“When we gonna watch that?” “
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That would be rude. But it’s what
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Sorrow followed like an old scoldin
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Wilson, a bilious-appearing man, lo
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“THE SONS FIRST appeared in a 193
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His own, personal joint. Imagine th
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Judge Roy Bean will never leave the
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“You got the look of a man whose
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“SERGEANT WESTON!” “Suh!”
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squeak He is still dressed, having
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“Yeah.” Rick’s eyes narrow.
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“And, fuckin’ A—I’m not you
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“That is, if he had any—haha.
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From beneath the shadow cast by his
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“No, sir.” “Very well. You li
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“ROY ROGERS was th’ real deal.
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Her eyes, like the sky, start to mi
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Pete mixes runny eggs with hash bro
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Watching Pete unzip the pouch, Roy
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“What’s eatin’ you?” Roy sh
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From Ft. Belknap, on their journey
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The Young Cowboy, with a look to hi
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A BUG-EYED black boy opens the pick
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hairs from his ears. Not all mind y
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He studies Pete from head to toe.
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Mel holds erect the selfsame, still
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daddy wasn’t drunk and beating on
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“Where’s the wine? You drink it
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dread “—I told you to bring des
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lobbied by lower thoughts, swell ch
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Pete snorts. “Or Tom Mix, Gene Au
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Pete slides his chair out from unde
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“You!” Pete turns and stares at
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Roy squeezes his eyes together. Col
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THE END OF VOLUME ONE ROY ROGERS IN
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ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY 2
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THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Blue Shadows o
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FROM VOLUME TWO Sentimental? Is Roy
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volume one IN THE D U D L E Y C L A R K - Ohio Vine Tours

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