volume one IN THE D U D L E Y C L A R K - Ohio Vine Tours

Mel flutters and flutes.
“He not only has solid silver cojones, but he’s polite to boot!
And very pretty boots, too, I might add. You could learn from
him, Little Ricky.”
“Fuck you, bitch.”
Mel giggles.
“Five dollars and a health card.”
Roy fiddles with his hat brim.
“Excuse me?”
Mel turns his attention from Rick the pesky mosquito to his
tall, handsome guest.
He displays a warm smile.
“Yes, dear?”
Roy appears uncomfortable.
“Sorry, ma’am, but.” He takes a deep breath. “Well, truth is,
I come for…him.”
He nods in the direction of Rick the Asshole.
Mel appears shocked.
“You did? Whatever for? Not that it’s any of my business,
marshal. Take him, please. I could use some me time.”
Roy’s eyes crinkle with good humor as he corrects Mel.
“Texas Ranger, ma’am.”
Rick crouches and snarls.
“Him? Take me? That’ll be the day! C’mon, bro. Let’s you
and me settle our shit. C’mon, asshole! I’m gonna cut out your
fuckin’ liver and—”
Both Roy and his horse detest foul language.
It is the signature of a lazy mind.
Before he can drop his hat and reach for his gun, Roy’s horse
has spun her backside to Rick and kicked.
The force is enough to send the little fellow flying. He
smacks into a wall and slides to the floor where he sits very still,
temporarily at peace with his inner demons.
A painting falls—one Roy has neglected to inspect—loosened
from its nail by Rick’s impact, and is luckily saved from breaking
when it lands on Rick’s head.
“Well!”
ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY 201