volume one IN THE D U D L E Y C L A R K - Ohio Vine Tours

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Thanksgiving, and he wants me to invite you, but he’s really gay—you know, really—and you probably wouldn’t wannna come anyway, so I dint bother you with it or anything.” His eyes search the table. Pete scratches his stubbly chin. “Normally I take my turkey down at th’ Shelter.” Roy looks up from the beaten tabletop. “Really?” Pete nods. “Really. I love turkey and cranberry an’ giblets an’ all that shit. After my birthday, it’s my favorite holiday.” Roy’s face beams. “Really?” Pete slides along the bench, drags his jacket with him. “Really.” Roy leaps to his feet. He unballs his yellow raincoat. “So...when’s your birthday?” Pete draws on his fringed jacket. After he smoothes his hair, he arranges the Stetson on his head. “Really, really gay, huh?” With his right hand’s extended index finger, he tilts back the brim of his sombrero. “Think I can handle that.” Seconds later, an ageing Ratso Rizzo and a portly Joe Buck push their way through the door and back onto Georgetown’s mean streets. 2 2 ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY
From Ft. Belknap, on their journey’s first leg, they made a mere five miles. Charley Goodnight—Tejano, as the Apache called him—turned out to be a wise soul all of thirty years old, whose knowledge of the land and the beasts he drove, and of the men who rode with him, was remarkable and deep. He taught his men—those who were green or tender—that the stampede was especially to be guarded against during the first ten days on the trail. It could amount to several weeks before the animals were satisfactorily trail broke. Hence, all men were instructed to sleep—when sleep was possible— on the ground in their sougans with their horses staked nearby. It was not unusual for a cowboy, during this breaking-in period, or whenever the threat of stampede seemed imminent, to keep his boots on for weeks at a time, and to sleep no more than two hours out of twenty-four. “A stampedin’ herd is hard to fathom,” Goodnight explained around the fire to his hands, on their first night out. “Once it starts to run, it becomes almost chronic. An’ even though th’ herd might run itself to exhaustion, their nervous tension doesn’t subside there. Night after night, they have been known to take fright at somethin’. I seen three thousand steers dozin’ in peace—only a few restless old fellows on their feet—with th’ night riders circling ’round ’em at an easy gait. Then—somethin’ happens. Lord knows what. An’ them animals are up on their feet with unbelievable suddenness—as quick as the flash of a wakeful eye, unexpected as the flush of a covey of hidden quail—an’ with an ungodly roar of hoofbeats, an’ the distinct quaking of the earth, they will be up together in a second—an’ be gone. Whereas, an instant ago they slept in peace, scattered an’ headed to every point of the compass, now they’re on their feet, headed in th’ same direction, in th’ pitch of night, a wall of beef that will flatten a man until he is indistinguishable from th’ earth itself.” Throughout Charley Goodnight’s speech—one that he had oft repeated— his partner, Oliver Loving, an older man, seemed to draw into himself, and remained mute, happy to reside on the sidelines. ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY 2
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volume one ROY ROGERS IN THE TWENTY
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What readers are saying... “Defin
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THE DEDICATION For her forbearance
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THE OPENING QUOTATION I’ve labore
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THE RED FOR RENT sign stops him dea
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The Old Cowboy didn’t know the na
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ROY’S KNUCKLES TAP gently upon th
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duties of her office demand, or the
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The Old Cowboy could rest now. His
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ROY DROPS HIS DUFFLE, and causes hi
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For, Roy is a window washer. He cou
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watched them hanging there, what a
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RAIN PELTS the windowpanes. Tears f
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ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY 1
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The Old Cowboy rose before the sun,
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BLUE, BLUE SKY. White, white clouds
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cry. His ears fill with Rick’s ca
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A WATERY BLUE, BLEARY blue, bleary
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approach of footsteps, or the slam
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two letters. They appear to have be
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ROY LOVES HIS MUSIC. It is the sust
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WAILING WALL is a downtown music st
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to the right of his navel, and bene
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man’s Frank Zappa mustache before
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“You make me come after your hair
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There were times when the Old Cowbo
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GEORGETOWN WAS NOT always hemmed in
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ackfired and Georgetown became even
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THE SONY TAPE PLAYER attached to Ro
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fans. Maybe, this being his later l
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A prime number, and one he’s happ
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BLUE LIGHT FROM a cloud-eclipsed mo
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GROGGY, GRAY, GROANING Roy rises fr
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feathered nether regions of their a
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FOR ROY, moving into the Outside Wo
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Roy may well be the perfected incar
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Crouched on an outcrop of granite,
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ROY’S PLAN IS SIMPLE, almost of n
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Especially Rick the Asshole, and so
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sense. And that doesn’t happen a
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He pulls the cord and stands up. Ro
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underwear. It’s a regular place f
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asement. Ammonia fumes from years a
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Her big eyes shimmer. “Sh. He mig
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“S-Sure.” “Will that be all f
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He’s already bought the groceries
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The living room is swell. Real neat
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Mel pouts. “Hey, you’re not Bra
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Meanwhile, far across the kitchen,
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ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY 1
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The Old Cowboy rode down the bluff,
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“TWO SHORT SKINNY mochas—shock
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These two men—from such polarized
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This has never happened before. Roy
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also has a head of frothy, brown cu
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outstretched hand. She has had enou
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MIST PREVAILS in Seattle throughout
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thumpthumpthump Not far from the he
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when they see one, so that should b
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ROY’S EYES POP OPEN. He had been
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The man inside 28/RR took the bait!
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accordance with the Lavese Las Mano
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The Old Cowboy looked down on the t
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ROY STANDS BEFORE 28/RR, right hand
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Doughy clouds thicken with light. M
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And here’s how it happened… FLA
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him and it uses his name. He places
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stair are more likely to become fri
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The guy turns and glares. And, for
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something that vaguely haunts him f
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the song had sounded so much nicer
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notice what everyone else on the si
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A tumbleweed tumbles weedily. Off i
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taught to do this at the secret Bar
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promises that one day they, too, sh
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Roy’s decision to go home may see
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“CLICK” Roy Stands before 28/RR
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Does Roy lower his hand and slink a
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The strawberry roan nodded and snor
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THE OCCUPANT OF 2 /RR, bless him, m
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his shoulders. It seems like a coup
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Best not to annoy the bald dude. Mi
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He takes a breath, licks his lips a
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fisherman trying to land a fish too
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ROY’S BRAIN has a remarkable memo
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the Odd Duck Club, a short-lived mu
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general public, they almost made it
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hosed it all away, washed it down h
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o-lay-dee-o-day-lay-de-o-day-lay-de
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The Old Cowboy wrapped the reins on
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The other hands at the bar returned
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“I dint come in here for no troub
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WHEN DAWN COMES to the quartzite sk
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into Lake Washington. They get shot
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Old Guy backs up a bit—his gun ne
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Finally, besides blinking, Roy can
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Like a piece of origami, Old Guy’
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Young Guy nods. “Yeah, sure.” O
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Old Guy keeps on smiling. He stands
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The stuff Old Guy’s offering isn
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“Yodel yodel yeah hee ay.” Did
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Roy leans forward, elbows on knees.
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ROY MAKES it. Afterwards, he makes
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He squares his shoulders. He opens
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Mel flutters and flutes. “He not
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The Old Cowboy dropped his scarred
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darkness, his mother and brother wo
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ROY WORRIES the loose change in his
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to leotards, from hair spiked to ha
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And leads him to a far-off, seldom
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ecause he buys a CD player. It’s
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It’s too late to turn tail now. H
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Roy moistens his lips. The image of
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“You won’t regret it.” Roy pr
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“With tax, it comes to $188.97.
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“What’s this so-called friend
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Rick closes the blade and chuckles.
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Her name was Mathilde Oliphante Dou
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Since this was principally cattle c
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“GO ON, ROY—DRAW!” Roy finds
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He tries to focus on Pete’s gun h
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“Let’s try somethin’ differen
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Pete rewinds the movie. “First—
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It is what o’time in the whenever
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Page 257 and 258: did. With the exception, of course,
Page 259 and 260: At thirteen, he stood tall and broa
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Page 263 and 264: “RAOUL WALSH is where we’ll sta
Page 265 and 266: theatre was about to invest in 70mm
Page 267 and 268: “When we gonna watch that?” “
Page 269 and 270: That would be rude. But it’s what
Page 271 and 272: Sorrow followed like an old scoldin
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Page 277 and 278: His own, personal joint. Imagine th
Page 279 and 280: Judge Roy Bean will never leave the
Page 281 and 282: “You got the look of a man whose
Page 283 and 284: “SERGEANT WESTON!” “Suh!”
Page 285 and 286: squeak He is still dressed, having
Page 287 and 288: “Yeah.” Rick’s eyes narrow.
Page 289 and 290: “And, fuckin’ A—I’m not you
Page 291 and 292: “That is, if he had any—haha.
Page 293 and 294: From beneath the shadow cast by his
Page 295 and 296: “No, sir.” “Very well. You li
Page 297 and 298: “ROY ROGERS was th’ real deal.
Page 299 and 300: Her eyes, like the sky, start to mi
Page 301 and 302: Pete mixes runny eggs with hash bro
Page 303 and 304: Watching Pete unzip the pouch, Roy
Page 305: “What’s eatin’ you?” Roy sh
Page 309 and 310: The Young Cowboy, with a look to hi
Page 311 and 312: A BUG-EYED black boy opens the pick
Page 313 and 314: hairs from his ears. Not all mind y
Page 315 and 316: He studies Pete from head to toe.
Page 317 and 318: Mel holds erect the selfsame, still
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Page 321 and 322: “Where’s the wine? You drink it
Page 323 and 324: dread “—I told you to bring des
Page 325 and 326: lobbied by lower thoughts, swell ch
Page 327 and 328: Pete snorts. “Or Tom Mix, Gene Au
Page 329 and 330: Pete slides his chair out from unde
Page 331 and 332: “You!” Pete turns and stares at
Page 333 and 334: Roy squeezes his eyes together. Col
Page 335 and 336: THE END OF VOLUME ONE ROY ROGERS IN
Page 337 and 338: ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY 2
Page 339 and 340: THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Blue Shadows o
Page 341 and 342: FROM VOLUME TWO Sentimental? Is Roy
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