volume one IN THE D U D L E Y C L A R K - Ohio Vine Tours

Smiling Guy deals with them every day.
If it were up to him, non-smilers like Roy would be ejected
and eighty-sixed.
To him, Roy appears to be potentially dangerous, a lout
capable of pilferage and plunder, of dawdling and defiance.
Yet, cheerily he smiles.
“Looking for something special today?”
As a matter of fact, Roy is looking for something very special
today. Something very special indeed.
But should he share this news with this pigmented, perforated
stranger?
“S-Sure.” He offers this admission uncertainly. “Ever hear of
the—”
Smiling Guy continues to smile.
Every day he does this—sizes people up. He loves guessing
what they listen to.
Take this bald dude.
He guesses his new customer is a headbanger. He appears
to have had his brains removed by some process or other, and
headbanging is a fairly commonplace technique these days.
True, he may seem a bit long in the tooth for a mosh pit, but
from the look of his eyes and his need for deodorant, he feels he
can’t be too far wrong.
Imagine his surprise when Roy completes his sentence.
“—Sons of the Pioneers?”
Smiling Guy, typically contemptuous, perennially smug,
is taken off-guard. His smile fades a fraction and his studied
demeanor cracks just enough to expose a glimmer of lost little
boy.
But adulthood takes its toll on innocence. Quickly enough, he
restoreth his smile, and leads his new customer down the path of
Consumerism.
“Sure.”
“Cool,” opines Roy.
Smiling Guy—his composure completely restored, his
smugness tiptoeing back—tells Roy,
“This way.”
210 ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY