volume one IN THE D U D L E Y C L A R K - Ohio Vine Tours

hairs from his ears. Not all mind you, because (a) the light in the
B THR OM was so bad, and (b) he just really didn’t care. After all,
if he plucked out all his ear hairs, where would it end? Would he
pluck his back, next? The space between his eyebrows?
His crotch?
He just thinned it a little.
Donned in a clean pair of jeans and a rumpled white tee-shirt,
over which he pulled one of his three Pendelton wool shirts, he
waited while Pete took his sweet-ass time.
Of course, while he waited he listened to his new CDs. So
accustomed to this new machine has Roy become—and in such
short order, too—that the thought of returning to his old Sony
tape player now seems inconceivable.
He’s so done with stretchy tapes and broken cassette cases.
Besides, coupled with his new Bose headphones, the CD
sound is awesome.
Roy had faced the music, and his verdict was in—CD
technology rocks.
Thus had he been lost in his tunes, his remaing hair drying
naturally, sitting on his musty bed, eyes closed, rain pelting his
windowpanes, sitting thus when the knock came that signaled
Pete was done.
Despite his new Bose headphones, Roy heard the knock,
having been anticipating it forever, and quickly sprang to his feet.
He pressed STOP as he crossed the tiny room, and opened the
door.
Respectfully, he removed his new Bose headphones.
Pete was resplendent in rhinestones.
“Ready?”
All Roy could do was nod.
From his white hat, circled with a solid silver band, to his
white boots, painted with American flags—Pete was every
inch the electric cowboy. His jacket, also white, was intricately
embroidered with green cactuses and pink roses outlined in
rhinestones while, on his back, a bald eagle soared, surrounded
by gold and red stars bespangled with jewels. Red and silver
fringes were sewn to the outsides of his sleeves, and hung as well
ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY 2