volume one IN THE D U D L E Y C L A R K - Ohio Vine Tours

(If Roy had his druthers, had his shot at the world; if he was
not held back by inherited limitations thrust upon him by drunk,
savage parents; if he just had the balls—then he would flourish,
perhaps, wrapped in stainless steel, his hands filled with skillet
handles and spatulas, knives chopping in the background—order
up!—waitresses watching him produce soufflés and omelets,
soups and salads, outré French dishes, sassy Latino numbers,
scallions sputtering in butter, paper-thin crepes, his face
glistening with the sheen of cooking oils, virgin olive, coldpressed,
his hair reeking of slivered, sizzling garlic, his fingers
redolent of cilantro and cumin, his elbows flying, his chef’s hat
bopping on his balding dome, expensive headphones cupping his
ears.)
The Sony tape player stops.
click
The bedframe on which the stained mattress rests is cast iron,
the kind Yuppie Scum paint white and put in their kids’ rooms.
squeak
Roy leans back and digs into his money pocket where he keeps
his horsechoker.
squeak squeak
The horsechoker emerges, recently reduced by the loss of ten
brothers, still a decent wad of sawbucks and double sawbucks.
His other pocket is repository for singles and fives. In his
duffle is a giant Zip-Loc bag filled with quarters, dimes and
nickels. Pennies he places heads-up on the sidewalk for others to
find.
Also in his duffle, besides two more pair of jeans, are his
prized Carhartts (thick bib overalls with traditional watch pocket,
two-quarter top pockets, a tool pocket, a coin pocket, double
knees, metal rivets, convenient hammer loop, and a folding
ruler pocket); some cheap-to-free tees from various local bands;
another giant Zip-Loc bag filled with creaky music tapes; a blue,
spiral notebook; a blue Bic pen; three plaid long-sleeve shirts; six
pairs of thick, wool socks; a decent sweater; a few faded BVDs
and, of course, the tools of his trade—a window mop with two
mop heads, a roll of replacement rubber squeegee blades, and
three brass Ettore squeegees (twelve-inch, six-inch and four-inch).
12 ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY