volume one IN THE D U D L E Y C L A R K - Ohio Vine Tours

man’s Frank Zappa mustache before. In order for him to have
done this he would have had to look the man behind the counter
directly in the face. But Roy’s eyes seldom wander far from the
various slogans the man wears on his black tee-shirts. Here is
a sampling of some of those slogans: WILL FUCK ON FIRST
DATE LET’S PLAY HIDE-N-GO-FUCK-YOURSELF
KEEP MUSIC EVIL I’D RATHER BE FUCKING
YOUR WIFE DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING PEOPLE
PERSON? FUCK MILK GOT WEED?
He also has one that reads ROCK HARD, which Roy
especially wishes he wouldn’t wear because it’s the name of one of
Suzi Quatro’s best albums, released in ’81.
“Don’t fuckin’ lie to me, bitch! I know what the fuck you and
that shithole were doin’!”
Roy can’t believe his luck.
In a ragged, brown cardboard box labeled New Shit in black
felt tip pen, sandwiched between Gino Vannelli’s Gist for the
Gemini (1976), and Cheap Trick’s 1983 release of Next Position
Please, he discovers—to his amazement—Come Alive For Suzi, a
Suzi Quatro bootleg of a live concert she gave at Shibuya Public
Hall in Tokyo, Japan, 1975.
He draws his body close to the box, just in case someone
else might see what he’s discovered and entertain the notion of
grabbing it. Just in case the empty store is suddenly invaded by
an army of Suzi Quatro freaks. The plastic case is missing and
the tape is a dupe, no doubt of the original vinyl (USA released
title was, variously, Bound To Please, or Naked Under Leather), and its
name is crudely written in blue ink on both sides.
He holds it up to the bare florescent tubes. It seems to be
intact.
Below the words New Shit on the brown cardboard box is this:
50 Sents.
Roy’s day is made.
All he has to do is pay.
“You pissass meathole! You slugsucking cunt!”
(If Roy could hear the man scream that word, he would
cringe. Not that he cares all that much about women, or their
ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY