volume one IN THE D U D L E Y C L A R K - Ohio Vine Tours

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It suits him. Pistol Pete. Isn’t that a cartoon character? “I’m Roy.” —Roy Rogers, an’ this here’s my stuffed brother, Rick the Wonder Motherfucker. Yodel yodel yeah hee ay Old guy clears his throat. Sounds to Roy like it hasn’t been cleared in years. “See all them bookshelves?” Noooo, thinks Roy. I do not. I do not see all them bookshelves. “I got me over a thousand movies there.” The old Pistol Pete putters on. “Really?” And on. Yodelyodel Maybe the echoes are all in his head. “That’s right,” puddles on porus Old Peter, as if he has something important to say. “Mostly Westerns. I even have silents. I have a copy of Ford’s Iron Horse—” Has he? Really? Woah. Woadel woadel hay hee ay Seems Old Guy isn’t ready to be Quiet Guy yet. He goes on and on, saying something about Westerns are myths and Ford’s a car, then blahblahblah about Indians and rustlers and settlers— meanwhile, Roy’s glass is empty, and he wants more yummy, smack-lipping— “—but seventies audiences lost interest in that. So, violence became—” —he goes on, does Pleasing Pete, Blessed Pete, Sweet Pete, Gotta Pee Really Bad Pistol Pete, what a funny name, like a cartoon character—thud Roy’s glass rolls on the floor. “Hey. Roy? You still with me?” Roy nods, then quickly stops himself until the room catches up. “You OK, pardner?” 1 ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY
Roy leans forward, elbows on knees. Knees that are thankfully still. “You don’t look so good.” Roy is not surprised to hear this. Old Guy stands. “Here, lemme hep you up.” Roy feels himself move. They seem to be headed somewhere. “You need a nap, son. We can continue this discussion later.” A door opens. Cool air laves Roy’s baldness. Next thing, he is standing in the hall. Behind him, all around him, everywhere in the world in fact, deadbolts shoot home. Chains rattle. The hall shifts in-and-out of focus. The hall he is standing in. The hall of the building. The building in which he lives. At the end of the shifting hall sways the B THRO M, its narcoleptic light still snoozing. Can he make it? He is standing in the hall. The hall of the building. The building in which he lives. The B THRO M sways. Yodel yodel yeah hee ay Can’t get that out of— The door sways. Can he make it? ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY 1
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volume one ROY ROGERS IN THE TWENTY
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What readers are saying... “Defin
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THE DEDICATION For her forbearance
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THE OPENING QUOTATION I’ve labore
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THE RED FOR RENT sign stops him dea
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The Old Cowboy didn’t know the na
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ROY’S KNUCKLES TAP gently upon th
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duties of her office demand, or the
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The Old Cowboy could rest now. His
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ROY DROPS HIS DUFFLE, and causes hi
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For, Roy is a window washer. He cou
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watched them hanging there, what a
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RAIN PELTS the windowpanes. Tears f
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ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY 1
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The Old Cowboy rose before the sun,
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BLUE, BLUE SKY. White, white clouds
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cry. His ears fill with Rick’s ca
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A WATERY BLUE, BLEARY blue, bleary
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approach of footsteps, or the slam
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two letters. They appear to have be
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ROY LOVES HIS MUSIC. It is the sust
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WAILING WALL is a downtown music st
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to the right of his navel, and bene
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man’s Frank Zappa mustache before
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“You make me come after your hair
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There were times when the Old Cowbo
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GEORGETOWN WAS NOT always hemmed in
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ackfired and Georgetown became even
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THE SONY TAPE PLAYER attached to Ro
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fans. Maybe, this being his later l
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A prime number, and one he’s happ
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BLUE LIGHT FROM a cloud-eclipsed mo
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GROGGY, GRAY, GROANING Roy rises fr
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feathered nether regions of their a
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FOR ROY, moving into the Outside Wo
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Roy may well be the perfected incar
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Crouched on an outcrop of granite,
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ROY’S PLAN IS SIMPLE, almost of n
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Especially Rick the Asshole, and so
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sense. And that doesn’t happen a
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He pulls the cord and stands up. Ro
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underwear. It’s a regular place f
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asement. Ammonia fumes from years a
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Her big eyes shimmer. “Sh. He mig
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“S-Sure.” “Will that be all f
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He’s already bought the groceries
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The living room is swell. Real neat
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Mel pouts. “Hey, you’re not Bra
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Meanwhile, far across the kitchen,
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The Old Cowboy rode down the bluff,
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“TWO SHORT SKINNY mochas—shock
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These two men—from such polarized
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This has never happened before. Roy
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also has a head of frothy, brown cu
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outstretched hand. She has had enou
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MIST PREVAILS in Seattle throughout
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thumpthumpthump Not far from the he
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when they see one, so that should b
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ROY’S EYES POP OPEN. He had been
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The man inside 28/RR took the bait!
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accordance with the Lavese Las Mano
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The Old Cowboy looked down on the t
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ROY STANDS BEFORE 28/RR, right hand
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Doughy clouds thicken with light. M
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And here’s how it happened… FLA
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him and it uses his name. He places
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stair are more likely to become fri
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The guy turns and glares. And, for
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something that vaguely haunts him f
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the song had sounded so much nicer
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notice what everyone else on the si
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A tumbleweed tumbles weedily. Off i
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taught to do this at the secret Bar
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promises that one day they, too, sh
Page 157 and 158: Roy’s decision to go home may see
Page 159 and 160: “CLICK” Roy Stands before 28/RR
Page 161 and 162: Does Roy lower his hand and slink a
Page 163 and 164: The strawberry roan nodded and snor
Page 165 and 166: THE OCCUPANT OF 2 /RR, bless him, m
Page 167 and 168: his shoulders. It seems like a coup
Page 169 and 170: Best not to annoy the bald dude. Mi
Page 171 and 172: He takes a breath, licks his lips a
Page 173 and 174: fisherman trying to land a fish too
Page 175 and 176: ROY’S BRAIN has a remarkable memo
Page 177 and 178: the Odd Duck Club, a short-lived mu
Page 179 and 180: general public, they almost made it
Page 181 and 182: hosed it all away, washed it down h
Page 183 and 184: o-lay-dee-o-day-lay-de-o-day-lay-de
Page 185 and 186: The Old Cowboy wrapped the reins on
Page 187 and 188: The other hands at the bar returned
Page 189 and 190: “I dint come in here for no troub
Page 191 and 192: WHEN DAWN COMES to the quartzite sk
Page 193 and 194: into Lake Washington. They get shot
Page 195 and 196: Old Guy backs up a bit—his gun ne
Page 197 and 198: Finally, besides blinking, Roy can
Page 199 and 200: Like a piece of origami, Old Guy’
Page 201 and 202: Young Guy nods. “Yeah, sure.” O
Page 203 and 204: Old Guy keeps on smiling. He stands
Page 205 and 206: The stuff Old Guy’s offering isn
Page 207: “Yodel yodel yeah hee ay.” Did
Page 211 and 212: ROY MAKES it. Afterwards, he makes
Page 213 and 214: He squares his shoulders. He opens
Page 215 and 216: Mel flutters and flutes. “He not
Page 217 and 218: The Old Cowboy dropped his scarred
Page 219 and 220: darkness, his mother and brother wo
Page 221 and 222: ROY WORRIES the loose change in his
Page 223 and 224: to leotards, from hair spiked to ha
Page 225 and 226: And leads him to a far-off, seldom
Page 227 and 228: ecause he buys a CD player. It’s
Page 229 and 230: It’s too late to turn tail now. H
Page 231 and 232: Roy moistens his lips. The image of
Page 233 and 234: “You won’t regret it.” Roy pr
Page 235 and 236: “With tax, it comes to $188.97.
Page 237 and 238: “What’s this so-called friend
Page 239 and 240: Rick closes the blade and chuckles.
Page 241 and 242: Her name was Mathilde Oliphante Dou
Page 243 and 244: Since this was principally cattle c
Page 245 and 246: “GO ON, ROY—DRAW!” Roy finds
Page 247 and 248: He tries to focus on Pete’s gun h
Page 249 and 250: “Let’s try somethin’ differen
Page 251 and 252: Pete rewinds the movie. “First—
Page 253 and 254: It is what o’time in the whenever
Page 255 and 256: Pete nudges. Holds out the joint. S
Page 257 and 258: did. With the exception, of course,
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At thirteen, he stood tall and broa
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she knew was she needed her loved o
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“RAOUL WALSH is where we’ll sta
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theatre was about to invest in 70mm
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“When we gonna watch that?” “
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That would be rude. But it’s what
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Sorrow followed like an old scoldin
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Wilson, a bilious-appearing man, lo
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“THE SONS FIRST appeared in a 193
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His own, personal joint. Imagine th
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Judge Roy Bean will never leave the
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“You got the look of a man whose
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“SERGEANT WESTON!” “Suh!”
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squeak He is still dressed, having
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“Yeah.” Rick’s eyes narrow.
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“And, fuckin’ A—I’m not you
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“That is, if he had any—haha.
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From beneath the shadow cast by his
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“No, sir.” “Very well. You li
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“ROY ROGERS was th’ real deal.
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Her eyes, like the sky, start to mi
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Pete mixes runny eggs with hash bro
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Watching Pete unzip the pouch, Roy
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“What’s eatin’ you?” Roy sh
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From Ft. Belknap, on their journey
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The Young Cowboy, with a look to hi
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A BUG-EYED black boy opens the pick
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hairs from his ears. Not all mind y
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He studies Pete from head to toe.
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Mel holds erect the selfsame, still
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daddy wasn’t drunk and beating on
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“Where’s the wine? You drink it
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dread “—I told you to bring des
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lobbied by lower thoughts, swell ch
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Pete snorts. “Or Tom Mix, Gene Au
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Pete slides his chair out from unde
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“You!” Pete turns and stares at
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Roy squeezes his eyes together. Col
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THE END OF VOLUME ONE ROY ROGERS IN
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THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Blue Shadows o
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FROM VOLUME TWO Sentimental? Is Roy
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