volume one IN THE D U D L E Y C L A R K - Ohio Vine Tours

ordered. On Roy’s first day working for him, J.J. stopped the
crew by a Starbucks to order his daily double-tall Americano,
and asked Roy what he wanted. Roy had never even been inside
a Starbucks before. Oh, he had panhandled in front of one once;
he remembers how the people coming out were more generous
than the people going in. But the management had shooed him
away, threatened to call the cops if he ever showed up again, and
that episode had pretty much colored his opinion about the place.
Add to this the fact that it is a great big corporation out to
crush competition and cater to Yuppies, and you’d think it’d be
the last place on earth Roy would want to visit, much less spend
his hard-earned cash.
But J.J. loved Starbucks. If J.J. had had more money, Roy bets
he would have become a Yuppie in a hot New York minute. But
he was just a window washer, a cleaning guy like the rest of his
motley crew, except that he owned a blue, 1992 Aerostar and had
a business license.
So, when J.J. asked Roy what he wanted—and it was apparent
he was willing to pay—and Roy was confronted with a menu
that made his head swim, he took the easy way out and said,
“Same.”
That’s why to this day the only coffee drink Roy has ever
ordered is a double-tall Americano.
Suzie takes a bow and Roy’s head is filled with cheers,
whistles and applause.
“One shot in the dark—soy latté tall—a short quad on a
leash!”
A man standing next to Roy, who also peruses the menu, also
wears headphones on his head. He is younger, taller and leaner,
with professionally sculpted black, wavy hair. He is redolent of
a subtle aftershave. A self-winding Rolex Oyster Submariner
(list price $3,575) tells him the time night or day, and never needs
a battery. His Sennheiser headphones retailed for $360 on the
internet, but he was able to score them for $268 on eBay, not
including $15 shipping. That brought it to $283, which was still
a good deal. Their expensive, supple cord disappears inside his
Polo Ralph Lauren Military Flight Jacket ($944), and is plugged
into an iPod U2 Special Edition, $344.
ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY