volume one IN THE D U D L E Y C L A R K - Ohio Vine Tours

This has never happened before. Roy’s brow beads with
sweat. He can think of no meaningful reply.
This young blonde girl who would pass him on the street
without a second glance, much less a first—even if he were lying
groaning with an arrow in his chest, or a skateboard up his ass—
has complicated everything with her nonsensical question.
She frowns briefly as she watches her goofy-looking customer
processes her simple question.
“Misto?”
She hates to repeat herself.
Her eyes shift focus so that the image of a panicked Roy blurs
and the growing knot of darkly-muttering, scowling, glowering,
de-caffeinated customers clustered behind comes into focus, and
she wonders will she get to take her break today, because State
Law requires she gets one, and she really, really needs it.
What she could do with a cigarette.
Make that a cigarette and some chocolate.
She just stared her period and her gut feels like it’s carrying a
melon the size of Brunswick, Ohio (pop. 35, 200).
What she’s used to is people who know what they want. She
enjoys talking to those people, people who can name their
poison, people who are at ease with their uncontrollable urges,
people who are at peace with their need to be cranked.
Her job is not to educate newbies.
People who don’t have a clue about coffee should buy one of
the fun-to-read (she read one once), fact-filled books for sale on
the glass shelves that hold so many other cute, fun items, like
Travel Cups with actual paintings by Chopin and van Golf. If
Maggie would only one day ever actually come back from her
fucking break when she was supposed to, but no she’s always
getting stoned to bring down the buzz, as if anyone would want
to do that—God, this guy smells.
In the meantime, Roy has decided to nod.
It is a decision reached reluctantly, because he doesn’t know
what he’s agreeing to. But it’s a far sight better than the other
option, which would be to ask her what that word he’s already
forgotten means.
Relieved beyond description, the young blonde scoots away to
ROY ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY